


Don't Just Tell Me, Show Me

by Carleen



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-24
Updated: 2013-06-24
Packaged: 2017-12-07 07:11:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 39,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/745746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carleen/pseuds/Carleen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When James Vega asks the Commander for some advice on a career decision, the discussion takes an interesting turn of events. James Vega and FemShep pairing, with James Vega story arch. There's also a little girl named Mariposa who's made an appearance. Rated M for romantically written sex scenes and a couple of 4 letter words.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Only Love Can Break a Heart

* * *

_When you were young and on your own_

_How did it feel to be alone?_

_I was always thinking of games that I was playing._

_Trying to make the best of my time_

* * *

They'd know each other for six months. Six months of steadfastly ignoring their growing attraction. He knew she'd begun to rely on him and he let her. Six months of listening to her stories about this ship and crew. Now they were on her ship and in her quarters and all the people she'd told him about were right here. Vega stole another look around the room. Large and extravagant, the CO's quarters were a long way from her small cell. No matter what the council did to her, he never forgot her status. To him she was always Commander Shepard. Now they were on the Normandy their positions were oddly reversed. On his way up here he'd come to terms with the fact that except for mission briefings and away missions he wouldn't see her very often. They were discussing his N7 invitation, but it was time to get out of her hair now. She had more important things to do then counsel one of her lieutenants. But he couldn't resist just one more flirtation.

"Well, I think I'd better get back to the hanger. Things here are uh... a little too soft for me."

"The bed's a lot harder than it looks." The commander said, gesturing back over her shoulder.

Honestly surprised to hear her say something like that, he replied with the first thing out of his head. "Are you flirting with me, Lola?"

She crossed her arms over her chest, followed by the 'watch your ass, marine' look he'd seen once or twice before.

"I'm going, I'm going..."

"You're not dismissed, Marine."

"Yes, ma'am." he replied with his eyebrow raised at the odd turn of events and glancing back at the door.

"Tattoo healed up?"

"Uh, yeah man. It's all good." What was she getting at? He wondered.

" _No me lo dices, me demuestra_ ," she said quietly.

"You mentioned that back on the Citadel. I thought we were talking about my N7 training."

"You said, I was your training officer."

"I did say that. Yes, I did." James scrubbed a hand over his neck tattoo and shrugged his shoulders, "Just so I'm clear, Commander... Uh... Are you flirting with me?"

"I'm attempting to initiate a training exercise, Lieutenant Vega. My recruit is resisting. Failure to follow a direct order is a punishable offense."

"Now you're teasing me. Didn't take you for a tease." Full retreat, Vega. Out of her quarters now. Move, marine!

She sighed, "Your actions cause me to question your courage and decision-making abilities. Is that really the impression you wish to create?"

"I'd like to leave at least one lasting impression on you, Commander. Not sure we're talking about the same one."

"Don't just tell me, show me," she said again. This time pulling a clip from her hair.

James watched the Commander's long blond hair fall around her shoulders. He had no idea it was so long. He'd imagined it, of course. But this was the first time... she looked up at him, her body language transforming from CO to woman.

" _Dios mío_ , you are so beautiful commander," he said, in one long breath and mentally said goodbye to his career. He wanted to get his fingers into that hair. He wanted to touch it now. "You're looking at me in a way that says come on over here. But if you want me to leave, say so now. Otherwise..."

"How many languages do you need me to say this in, James?"

"Then say adiós to that uniform, Commander. I don't want anything blocking my view."

"Now you're talking."

The thing about Alliance utility uniforms was there was no mystery about how to remove them. Male or female issue, all the fasteners were in the same place and opened the same way. Unexpectedly, the commander's uniform was giving him some problems. Fumbling with buttons was certainly not his style.

Shepard wrapped her fingers around the marine's trembling hands.

James shrugged, "Yeah, they don't seem to be working so well. I... Ah, the hell with it."

Vega scooped Shepard up in his arms and carried her over to the bed. She tried to get out of his lap to pull him down with her. But he had her trapped with his right arm, while he pulled her face down to his with his left hand. He finally got his fingers into that blond mane he'd been thinking about since they'd first assigned him to her back on Earth. He kissed her, gently at first, just tasting her mouth. Neither of them closed their eyes. Each, for their own reasons, a little wary of what was happening.

Vega gave in first, when he realized he no longer wanted to hide anything from her. It didn't seem necessary. He let his guard down so she could see how much he wanted this. When she saw the open desire on his face. Felt the first gentle touch of his hands on her body. The commander found what she looking for and deepened the kiss, pressing down on his lips with her own. Vega followed her lead.

She was the most alluring woman he'd ever met. A rare mixture of beautiful woman and kick ass soldier. It turned him on. Always had.

He knew she'd been slowly going crazy in that detention cell. So he made sure he got her to the gym or outside for a run as often as duty permitted. He enjoyed listening to her talk about her ship and crew. It was during those weeks he'd fallen in love with her. He hadn't been looking for it. It just happened. As he imagined it happened to every other guy on the Normandy. Just like the culinary specialist who brought her meals, the medic who checked her vital signs and the mental health specialist who came by to chat with her in cell. So maybe he was just the latest one of those guys. He broke the kiss.

She was panting, her fingers digging into his shoulders trying to find some purchase. She looked down at him, "Where did you go?"

"Lola?"

"Hmm?"

"Let's get something straight."

She opened her eyes, studying him. "You're wrong."

"I want to be wrong. Tell me how I'm wrong."

"The two most difficult aspects of command are the life and death decisions and the isolation. Living with those decisions through the long nights. Wondering who will be next. Never second guessing yourself. Always strong. And never letting anyone get too close. James, I want you close."

She looked away and tried to slip off his lap. "Don't give it another thought, Vega. I can see it in your eyes. You think I'm a busy girl."

"Hey, I didn't say that and you're not going anywhere," he tightened his hold on her, trying to show her she could relax with him.

She allowed it. "James, I want this to be special too. It is special."

"Mi Lola bonita," he whispered to her.

He lowered her to the bed, sliding his legs under hers and holding her as close as he could manage. His right hand opening her shirt and making quick work of her bra. A bra hadn't been made that could stand up to a marine on a mission. She gasped when he exposed her skin to the air. As he watched her breasts tighten and the nipples contract, he thought he might lose it all right then and there. Some things you just didn't expect to see in a lifetime. Suddenly there they were... like a gift. A smart man knew when to say Merry Christmas and thank you very much.

Shepard shifted so that he was on top of her. The position provided her the opportunity to pull his shirt up and off. He felt her fingers reaching under his shirt. Damn! She was scratching his skin as she pulled the t-shirt over his chest. He shivered in response to the sensation of her nails on his skin.

Her hands found the muscled torso she'd thought about so many times. His dog tags swung free and she grabbed them to pull him back down to her.

"Are you planning to kiss me again, Marine? Or are you waiting for direction?"

"Think I can take it from here." Grinning down at her he sat up. Then slowly began to undress her, boots, socks, pants and the most feminine pair of black panties he'd ever seen. Trophy! She wasn't getting these back. Ever. Large hands spanned her butt as he pulled them down. He watched her body flush and respond to his actions. His fingers slid across her skin as he removed her uniform piece by piece. When she was naked he stood up to let her watch him undress.

Vega locked eyes with the beautiful woman on the bed and dared her not to look away. The dog tags came off and landed on top of his t-shirt. His boots and socks joined the pile. Then hooking his thumbs in his waistband he pulled everything else off.

He took personal pride in keeping his body fit and battle ready. He knew guys found his size just a bit intimidating. That was a good thing in a fight. With Shepard staring at him, appraising him, reaching for him, it was a very different thing. Lots of woman stared at him. That was nothing new. With Shepard, he suddenly hoped she liked what she saw.

"Come here!"

Good answer. Vega slid back onto the bed. Instead of laying down with her, he knelt on the bed and pulled her up to him. Her legs dropped to each side of his hips. He held her there, poised over him. He kissed her lips, tasting the delicate skin of her neck and chest.

"James. Waited so long for this" she breathed.

She pulled his head against her chest, forcing him to stay where he was. Vega spread his hands over her bottom, kneading the flesh as he used his mouth on her breasts. her heart pounded against her ribs as she trembled. She chanted his name in short gasps. Then she was rippling with an orgasm so powerful, it took all his self-control to keep from following her into that sweet release.

"Dios! Shepard, look at me."

She forced her eyes open, so he both saw and felt the waves of her orgasm as it took her. Time stopped as he watched her. He'd hardly touched her. What would she be like when he... He allowed her to slide through his hands and straddle his hips. She was ready for him. She took him and surrounded him. She sank her teeth into the trapezoid muscle on his neck. That was it.

He practically threw her down on the bed and she welcomed him the embrace of her arms and legs. She tilted her hips up to take more of him in. A guy could only take so much. Vega gathered her up in his arms and pushed himself into her over and over. When it was his turn to cry out, Shepard held him close as they shared this most intimate of moments. Then he collapsed on top of her, his rich laughter tickling her ear as he caught his breath.

"You bit me."

She patted his shoulder, "I think the perfect symmetry of your shoulders is still intact. But if you think I should call Dr. Chakwas?"

"Next time, just make sure you bite the other side too..." He stopped talking in mid-sentence. Their easy playful banter was doing something to him. Any other time he'd have kissed the girl goodbye, grabbed his gear, promised to call and left without a backward glance. Vega raised his head to look at her. That was probably a mistake. Her blond hair spread over the pillow, her sleepy sea-green eyes were looking right through him. He gently kissed her swollen mouth. A fierce pride went through him with the knowledge that he had done this to her.

"Lola? You good?" He smiled down at her.

"Never better."

"Yeah, me too."

She caught his face in her hands, "James?"

"I'm here. I'm here. No plans to leave." He rolled over to his back, pulling her on top of him. Vega covered them with the sheet and for a long while, neither of them spoke.

He caught her smiling up at the stars sailing past the view screen.

"Watcha smiling at?"

"Can I be your girl, James?"

"You sure?"

"You wouldn't be here if I wasn't."

"Understood, ma'am. How 'bout you let me show you how many ways the answer is yes."

"Turn to, Marine. Turn to."

* * *

 

 _"No me lo dices, me demuestra, James_ ," - "Don't just tell me, show me, James" (Depending on your dialogue choices, when Vega asks you for advice about becoming N7, this is a FemShep response. Such an excellent literary hook must not be wasted.)

" _Mi Lola bonita_ ," - My beautiful Lola

"Turn to" is a Naval phrase meaning go to work or go back to work. My CO in the Navy Reserves used to make us sing "Anchors Aweigh" to him. If we did a good enough job, then he'd say, turn to. Which meant you are released, now get to work.

 

 

Only Love Can Break Your Heart

  
_When you were young_  
 _and on your own_  
 _How did it feel_  
 _to be alone?_

  
_I was always thinking_  
 _of games that I was playing._  
 _Trying to make_  
 _the best of my time._

  
_But only love_  
 _can break your heart_  
 _Try to be sure_  
 _right from the start_

  
_Yes only love_  
 _can break your heart_  
 _What if your world_  
 _should fall apart?_

  
_I have a friend_  
 _I've never seen_  
 _He hides his head_  
 _inside a dream_  
 _Someone should call him_  
 _and see if he can come out._  
 _Try to lose_  
 _the down that he's found._

  
_But only love_  
 _can break your heart_  
 _Try to be sure_  
 _right from the start_  
 _Yes only love_  
 _can break your heart_  
 _What if your world_  
 _should fall apart?_

-Neil Young

<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rb4QLZGpwNk>


	2. You Don't Bring Me Flowers

By closing the communications line with Earth, Commander Shepard concluded her briefing with Admiral Hackett. The room was quiet now and deceitfully peaceful. She leaned against the railing, taking a moment to gather her thoughts before heading back out to the CIC. But it was Admiral Hackett's face that intruded.

As always, he expressed pride and support at the Normandy's successes in building battle resources. But he couldn't hide the exhaustion etching his face or the grief that roughened his voice. He couldn't remove the weight of that responsibility from her shoulders. A responsibility that settled over her like the weight of the millions of dead piling up all over the galaxy. Would she end up that way? All emotion finally hollowed out of her, replaced with nothing more than sleepless haunted nights. When the only thing left to her was the list of all the things she failed to do to save them? Did he hear the screams of the wounded and the lost calling in his dreams too?

As she had many times before, when she needed strength, she thought of her favorite part of the Sailor's Creed.

_I am an Alliance Sailor... I represent the fighting spirit of the Navy and those who have gone before me to defend freedom and democracy around the galaxy. I proudly serve my combat team with Honor, Courage and Commitment..._

With a smile, she remembered back to Officer's Training School. At morning formation, their commandant made them sing 'Anchor's Aweigh'. If the LT liked what she heard, then they could continue on with their training schedule. If they failed to, as she said, 'bring a tear to my eye' they sang it again. If she really didn't like it, they dropped for pushups. Endless pushups done to the shouted cadence of 'Honor! Courage! Commitment!'

There were people in her life now that lived by those same words. Three years ago, as the last of the air escaped from her suit, and she felt herself dying, Shepard had thought of those people. Miraculously, they were back with her now. They'd come back to her as if they'd just been waiting for her return. She was proud to serve with them.

"Honor, courage, commitment," the commander repeated the words quietly. Words she trained by, words she lived by and words that would ultimately lead to victory over the Reapers. That this mission might end in her death didn't bother her. By her reckoning she'd been living on borrowed time since waking up in Miranda's Laboratory. So if this was to be her last mission, then she was at peace with it. Regrets? If she ever let those feelings surface, then she might admit to wishing for a real relationship. And, maybe, after a third glass of scotch, she might have wondered, once or twice, what it was like to be a mother. Shepard shook it off, squared her shoulders and headed out to the CIC.

As she turned to leave the comm room an odd spot of color caught her eye. Yellow? How long had it been since she'd seen the color yellow? When she pulled the small container from under one of the comm terminals it sprang to life as a holographic bouquet of daffodils. There was a small note stuck to the side. She scrubbed at her eyes to read the neatly written script.

'Hey Lola. I just remembered. Back in the neighborhood today is the first day of spring. No hothouse on the Normandy, so this is the best I could do. When we get back to earth I'll buy you a some real flowers.'

She silently added a word to her list: Honor, courage, commitment... and unexpectedly and just maybe love. Tired and vulnerable, Shepard suddenly wanted to feel Jame's strength and thank him for the flowers. Should she invite him up again tonight? All the way back to her quarters she argued with herself. The argument ended when he met her at outside the elevator at the entrance to her quarters.

She thanked him for the flowers and he let her. If a tear or two slipped out, he simply held her tighter and pretended to ignore them. He didn't need to ask if he could spend the night, because she wrapped herself around him and fell asleep. A good marine never abandoned his post.

Early the next morning, EDI, the Normandy's unshackled AI, walked in and settled in the copilot's chair without speaking to Joker.

"Uh, Good morning?"

"Good morning, Mr. Moreau."

That distracted him enough for him to turn away from his board. "How did we get back to 'Mr. Moreau'?"

"My extensive research into human mating rituals lead me to conclude you are bored with me."

"Bored? EDI?"

EDI began the morning checklist without answering Joker's question. Although it wasn't really possible for her to ignore him since she monitored his vitals signs as well as the entire crew at all times. By deactivating his vital sign signature and facial recognition from her protocol, she was, in fact, ignoring him.

Joker rolled himself out of his chair and picked up one of her silver hands. "EDI, tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing is, as you put it, wrong. All ship systems at 100%. The crew is functioning optimally, morale is high, and the gun is calibrated. Additionally, in recognition of the first day of spring, Lieutenant Vega surprised Commander Shepard with a holographic bouquet of daffodils."

EDI opened the ship wide comm channel and sounds of the discussion battered Joker's ears. Why was he suddenly feeling guilty about the damn flowers?

_"Really, Ms. Daniels? A bouquet of daffodils? And just where did the Lieutenant come across daffodils?"_

_"I don't know Garrus. But he did and it's significant!" replied Gabby excitedly and in full gossip mode._

_"By the way, Ms. Daniels, exactly what are daffodils?"_

Engineer Kenneth Donnelly and Tali's voices surfaced next. Donnelly listened to Tali vas Normandy's tale of the daffodils while he ran the usual tests on the Tantalus drive. It wasn't until she mentioned the word proposal that he gave her his full attention.

_"You're joking, lass."_

_"It's true. Ms. Daniels told me daffodils are a sign of new beginnings and she says that can only mean one thing."_

_"What thing?"_

_"That Lieutenant Vega and the Commander are getting bonded!"_

Joker removed his cap and scrubbed a hand across his short hair. EDI continued working in silence.

Commander Shepard woke to the sound of James' snoring and the rise and fall of his chest under her cheek. The new lovers were still wrapped in each other's arms and the daffodils shimmered innocently on the bedside table. Vega tightened his hold on her when she tried to get up.

"James, let me go."

"No."

"The duty day began. I have a staff meeting in thirty minutes and a mission to prepare for."

"Talk dirty to me first."

"Lieutenant Vega, I order you to let me out of this bed."

"Or else?"

"Or else _El Almirante_ get's demoted to seaman recruit."

"Okay, okay. Off you go." But not before he gave her butt a playful squeeze and planted a long passionate, morning breath and all, kiss on her lips.

Commander Shepard made it to the meeting with ten minutes to spare. She nodded to her crew as they filed into the briefing room. Garrus silently greeted her with what she could swear was a smile. Major Alenko walked in behind the Turian with an obvious grin on his face. Dr. T'Soni's eyes were particularly luminous and Tali bounced in with a cheerful, "Good morning, Shepard!"

Lieutenant Vega and Cortez file in last. Neither man met her eyes or offered a greeting. Although, if she could read people at all, she would swear Cortez had a smirk on his face.

She took a moment to survey her crew. Something was going on. It wasn't her birthday. But something was different. She decided to ignore it for the moment and jump right into the briefing. There were far more important things to worry about.

"We are headed to the Jon Grissom Academy on a rescue mission. Intel says a few of the kids there posses biotic skills. Goal is to get as many of the students out as possible. They lost comm lost two weeks ago, so we have no idea what we'll find there. Cortez, you'll take us in. Alenko and EDI, you're with me. One hour to station fall. Dismissed."

Garrus stayed behind and when they were alone, Shepard turned to him expectantly. "Okay, Garrus. What's going on?"

"Well, uh... scuttlebutt says you and the muscle bound lieutenant are an item."

"An item."

"Tali is already planning the bonding ceremony. Shepard don't take it the wrong..."

She walked out of the briefing room without another word to her Turian friend. He watched her go, his mandibles flaring.

Shepard located Vega in the port observation area. After stepping through the hatch, she locked the door behind her.

Vega noted the crossed arms and the 'watch your ass, marine' look was back in full force. An hour ago they'd been sleeping peacefully together. Right now, snapping to attention seemed the smartest course of action.

"The crew knows. How did they find out?"

So this was to be her reaction? This was how it played out? He shook his head in denial. How had he misinterpreted this? Well, he wasn't going down without a fight.

"Permission to speak freely, Commander?"

"Granted."

"Thanks. Well, here's how it went down. First thing this morning, I went around and collected my winnings. No one thought I could get you into bed. I made a hundred in Alliance coin. Not a bad haul for a lowly lieutenant like me."

"You, what?"

"Got the most out of Cortez. He was convinced you only did girls. I told him, there's no _chiquita_ alive who can resist... Hey!"

Vega looked up in surprise as his feet left the ground and he flew backwards into the view screen.

Commander Shepard, my sensors report unauthorized use of biotic power located in the port observation area.

When his vision cleared, Vega found himself flat on his back. Commander Shepard stared down at him.

"Of all the rules of fraternization we broke yesterday. This, he spread his hands, indicating his position on the ground, just moved to number one."

The commander offered to help him up and he took the offer. Then he tried to hang on to her hand.

In genuine anger, she jerked her hand out of his and went to stand by the view screen. The Jon Grissom Academy was just coming into visual range.

"While I try to figure out how to apologize for injuring you, I have something to say."

Vega moved to her side, but didn't try to touch her again.

Finally, the commander spoke again. "I seduced you and now I've directed a violent act toward you. These displays of emotion are not something I can afford to express right now. I must stay focused on the mission and the larger goal of ending the Reaper threat."

"Lola, don't."

"If you wish to file charges against me. That is your right."

"You're damn right I want to file charges, Commander. _Uno_ , your willful misunderstanding of my intentions. _Dos_ , your complete disregard for my sense of humor. _Tres_..."

"Commander Shepard we are within range of the Academy. Can you come up here? There's something you should see." Joker announced over the COM.

"I have to go." Shepard turned to leave.

"Just one goddamn minute. I'm not finished." He grabbed her by the arms, lifting her up off her feet. "You didn't pick me for this mission. So I can't be there to watch your back. I don't trust Alenko to cover anything more than his own _ass_ ets. So you be damned careful out there. Understood, Commander?"

* * *

You Don't Bring Me Flowers: <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wj10EzNKA2M>

El Almirante: The Admiral

Seaman Recruit is the lowest Navy enlisted rank

I am a United States Sailor. I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States of America and I will obey the orders of those appointed over me. I represent the fighting spirit of the Navy and those who have gone before me to defend freedom and democracy around the world. I proudly serve my country's Navy combat team with Honor, Courage and Commitment. I am committed to excellence and the fair treatment of all.


	3. Where Have All the Young Girls Gone?

* * *

Sitting in the gloom of the main battery with the door closed and locked, the two friends enjoyed their traditional after mission debriefing. Garrus refilled the commander's glass and nearly missed the rim as he rocked back in laughter at Shepard's description of the Grissom mission.

"Hey, careful! That's alcohol abuse, Vakarian."

"So how many Atlases?"

"Three. 90% of the students were already evacuated. What was left to require that much firepower?"

"What can I say, Shepard? We've got a rep."

"That's it! But the design flaws on that piece of junk."

"IM's got deep pockets. Bet those Cerberus grunts draw straws to see who has to get in the cockpit."

Shepard laughed aloud, "With enough cover and enough time to reload, I can pop that canopy in a couple of shots with my Widow Maker. Great weapon."

"Then you said," he prompted. "Jack just walked in out of nowhere? That's just her style, isn't it?"

"Jack the school Marm."

"It's good to hear you laugh," Garrus said, suddenly quiet. He wanted to say something to her, but he wasn't sure how she might take it.

The two friends shared a quiet moment. Shepard slipped her hand into his three fingered grip and squeezed hard. He didn't let go. A realist, Garrus held no illusions that to win against the Reapers might require a few sacrifices. One of those sacrifices might be his dear friend. He knew it. But if he could watch her be happy for these last few weeks. Then just maybe he could take losing her for a second time. Since he had no intention of leaving her side, they might go together. He took a quick sip of courage.

"Shepard, there's no one on this ship who doesn't wish only the best for you."

She didn't have a come back for that one, but she did rest her cheek on their clasped hands.

"I will always be here for you. I will always stand by you and, he turned her face up to his, Shepard, I will always love you."

"But?"

"He can give you so much more. Let him."

"Garrus," she was shaking her head trying to negate his words.

"Listen to me. I don't know what you think of turian religion. But you embody the Spirit of honor and courage that binds this crew together. Joining with him will only strengthen that bond."

Without responding, Commander Shepard got up from the deck and said good night to Garrus. He watched her leave with a sudden sadness. That hadn't gone well.

The journey back to her quarters was long. It had been a hell of a day and she was ready for a hot shower and as much sleep as she could squeeze in before they arrived back at the Citadel to drop the students off.

Tomorrow was soon enough to rack and stack the next batch of missions. Sleep came quickly and so did the dreams. But these dreams were different, because they were full of warm brown eyes, a crooked grin and strong hands.

Below decks, Lieutenant James Vega sat at the foot of the shuttle launch ramp with his head resting on his arms. The robotic dog faithfully by his side. Vega looked up at the dog, "Jefe, yo soy un hombre estúpido. What am I gonna do now? Maybe I should just request a transfer and get out of her way."

The dog whined, turning its head back and forth. Vega yelled in disgust, "Estúpido, perro!"

He got up and headed to bed. The robotic dog settled itself on the deck and powered down for the night.

The next morning, a lone marine exited the Normandy's hatch. Few people were around at this hour of the day. That was fine with him. As he headed to the Commons shopping area he checked his list. Shopping wasn't normally his thing, but he needed some time alone. Sure, he knew he could find a card game in the refugee area. Poker didn't even sound good right now. He just wanted to walk and think.

The volus behind the counter at the Elkoss Combine Aresenal Supply kiosk handed him a note.

"Thanks man."

"Strange material."

"It's called paper."

"Inefficient means of communication."

"Yeah, whatever."

"Humans," the Volus wheezed in disgust.

Vega carried his purchases to a nearby bench. The note was actually folded into the shape of a yellow tulip. He had to pull it apart to to read the writing inside.

'From Apollo's healing terrace to Poseidon's watery lair. Courage is the traveler's only fare.'

"What the...?" he mumbled. He wasn't in the mood for games.

But he didn't like the route his thinking was taking anyway. So what the hell? He could do with some distraction. The lieutenant headed over to the Cafe to take a look around when an asari waitress handed him another note. She said with a smile, "That's beautiful origami work. Lucky you."

This message was less cryptic and read simply, 'Over the side, Marine.'

Vega stepped to the edge of the guard rail and waited for the right moment to swing himself over the edge. He easily dropped the twenty feet down to the Citadel's water park level. The fountains were louder down here. Another origami flower resting on a bench to let him know he was on the right path.

In a few more steps he found her standing alone in the artificial sunlight. Her hair loose and flowing down her back. She wore an asari style dress, without, he noted with a suddenly dry mouth, the customary under garment. Without the underdress her legs and sides were bared to his gaze. She was also barefoot.

For several seconds he just watched her, the light reflecting off the highlights in her hair. The strong plains of her legs. Her flat stomach and shapely form. The sharp contrast between the soldier and the woman never failed to confound him. He wondered if she felt vulnerable dressed like that. He knew he would. Armor was the skin they wore in their business.

"Hey, Lola."

She turned toward the sound of his voice.

"A girl could get into trouble dressed like that out here alone. Maybe I should come over there... You know, just in case you need protection."

"Maybe you should."

"Well, then. Okay, I will."

"James, I want to apologize... want to make it right between us. After yesterday."

"Shepard, you don't have to do anything. Not a damn thing." He stepped around in front of her. "Let me do the work. He slid his hands inside the dress, his fingers circling her waist. I can't argue down the council or go toe to toe with those _pendejo_ admirals. But I can watch your six and give you a safe place to come home to."

Instead of speaking, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down to her. She kissed him with a sense of personal freedom she hadn't allowed herself in years.

Vega responded by slipping his hands under her bottom and backing her deeper into the recess of the structure.

"I like this dress, Lola. You hang on to it, _bien_?" He rubbed his thumbs across her nipples.

"Mmmm. James?"

"Yes, tell me. Tell me what you want." He rhythmically swept his hands down over her butt, then back up over her breasts. He matched the rhythm of his hands to the rhythm of his tongue, kissing her deeply. She shifted restlessly against him. Whatever you want, he thought, as he moved her up higher on the ledge.

His right hand moved between her legs. His lips found her breast and pulled it hard into his mouth. The other circled the very center of her. Gently at first, then harder until she began to tremble, her breath coming out in short gasps.

" _Es una buena chica_...Good girl."

He held on to her even as she came apart in his hands. Finally, shouting his name, the sound of her pleasure echoing across the water park.

Shepard leaned back against the wall for a moment looking up this man who stood over her. With a mischievous smile she unfastened his uniform and released him. Between the cool air and her warms hands, he tipped his head forward in surrender and dug his nails into the wall behind her. He watched her take hold of him, pulling him toward her, guiding him into her drenched and pulsing core. He willingly buried himself in her.

Vega had heard other men say they couldn't tell when a woman was about to orgasm. He didn't understand the problem. He always knew. The way her body rose up toward him. Her eyes called to him, demanding action. He would bring her with him to the top and they would go together. She wrapped her legs around his hips and he held her body up against his.

" _Venir a mí, Lola_ "

"Yes... Yes... James. Please."

They held on to each other as James thrust into her. A part of him wanted to hurt her. To brand her and make her his woman. That need rose up in him like a tide of unspent emotion. He buried his face in her neck as he emptied himself in her, growling deep in his throat, tears stinging his eyes. She had her arms wrapped in his shirt as she rode him to her own release.

Afterwards, they rested against each other, breathing each other's breath, as the sweat cooled between them. Vega carded his fingers through her hair as she laid her head against his chest. "Never, Lola. Never before like this. _Dios mío. Te lo juro_. I swear," he whispered into her hair.

"James." she whispered back, kissing his chest and anywhere else she could reach from her position.

Suddenly, he stilled her head with his hands. "Listen!"

Above them two men were discussing something about strange noises and trespassing. Then "C-Sec agent is on the way."

They broke apart and grinned at each other. She straightened his uniform while he smoothed down her dress. Then hand in hand, like children, they ran toward the service elevator. They laughed and held on to each other as the door hissed shut behind them. Now all they had to do was make it to the Normandy.

"You do remember how to get back to our dock right?"

"Of course, Lieutenant. Just follow me."

But the door slid open to reveal the Commons instead of the loading dock. "Wait. I'm starving."

"You can't be in public dressed like that, Lola."

"I'm hungry."

"You stand right here and don't move. If you don't move, then nothing will show."

She was about to say something about he had no right to tell her where to stand or how to dress, but she was secretly enjoying his proprietary behavior toward her.

"I promise."

Five minutes later, he was back with one of everything from the menu, including chocolate ice cream. Ten minutes later he ran interference for her while they negotiated a path to the Normandy's main elevator. In five more minutes they were sitting in the center of her bed laying out their picnic feast. She'd thrown off the dress when she walked in the door and demanded he strip down as well. They fed each other and laughed and for dessert she tried some _Vega ahogada en el helado de chocolate_.

 

* * *

<http://MassEffectWiki.com/Turnian#Religion>

_Jefe, yo soy un hombre estúpido_ : Chief, I am one stupid man

 _Estúpido, perro_ : Stupid Dog

 _Es una buena chica_ : That's a good girl

 _Venir a mí, Lola_ : Come to me, Lola

 _Dios mío. Te lo juro_ : My God. I swear

 _Vega ahogada en el helado de chocolate_ : You can have it translated if you want to, but what would you do with a pint of chocolate ice cream and a James Vega to play with?


	4. Where Have All the Young Men Gone?

Shepard watched her senior officers file into the briefing room. The mission team followed. These formal mission debriefs were her idea. In the past she'd allowed them to simply file written report. Now she expected input from the mission team, as well as, department heads. No one complained. The stakes were higher then they'd ever been. That she is doing this for him had not yet occurred to him. So he unwisely sat slumped in a chair with his legs stretched out in front of him. No one ever wanted to hear from the grunt in the corner anyway.

From his corner, Vega watched Shepard pace up and down the conference room. The discussion was about the Sur' Kesh mission. A situation which nearly ended in disaster after the arrival of Cerberus troops. Getting the female krogan and Dr. Mordin out of there alive had taken all their skills.

"Lieutenant Vega, please provide us with a mission summary."

Oh, crap.

"It was routine, until Cerberus showed up..."

"Thank you, Lieutenant." Inwardly, she was pleased with his detailed report. Outwardly, she betrayed nothing and continued with the briefing. "I expect feedback from all of you on this. There were new weapons in use. That Atlas is a no-brainer, but we can't afford to take Cerberus for granted. That mission was tough, but all of you pulled your weight. Good job."

Then Shepard questioned each crew member in turn until a lively discussion began about weapons and tactics. She was gratified to see Vega now sitting up and participating in the discussion. His observations were concise and his logic sound.

Later, Commander Shepard continued the discussion as they headed up to her quarters. But Vega had other things on his mind so he interrupted her and tried to change the subject.

"I hope you weren't trying to embarrass me in there, Shepard."

"And, what purpose would that serve, Lieutenant?"

She crossed her arms over her chest and waited for his response.

"Well, uh... "

"I'm going to get cleaned up. Then go down and interview the krogan female. I want you to be there when I do."

"So you think you can just order me around like this?"

"As a matter of fact, I can and I will. I was also thinking about ordering you to scrub my back, it was so humid down there on Sur'Kesh, I feel sticky all over."

 _Tan caliente_ … so hot! He thought.

She stopped at the entrance to the bathroom. "So, you up for that Vega?"

Vega stared at her retreating back. He heard the buckles on her armor release and the sound of the pieces hitting the floor. After a difficult mission, she often wanted it hard and fast like this. He was happy to oblige. That he was the only one who knew about this side of her only added fuel to his desire and often took his breath away.

Sometimes he took her up against the shower wall. Once they had to do so some quick talking, when she'd pushed him against the aquarium hard enough to crack the glass. Sometimes, he surprised her by capturing her in a quiet corner of the ship. When that happened, he never let her touch him. No matter how much she wanted to. He'd discovered a way to get his hand under her armor where he could give her pleasure. She'd make demands, he would refuse to even kiss her and ignored her until she was a quivering in his arms.

He was pretty sure she'd had a short affair with Alenko back in the day. That gilipollas could not have known this about her. He was the type who probably had to have the lights off, changed the sheets and took a shower afterwards. The marine shrugged his shoulders, none of that mattered. What was important was now. This was their time and she was waiting for him. He flicked the buckles of his pauldrons open and shrugged them off as he joined his CO. Where he knew she was already soaked and ready for him.

Afterwards, with Shepard sleeping curled up at his side, he lay with his hands behind his head staring up at the viewscreen. They'd been together like his for two months now. Two months to the day since he'd followed her down to the water park at the Citadel. Each of those days were a gift. Every day she revealed a little more of herself to him and everyday he discovered more ways to love her. He was a better man because of her, a better officer and although he would not admit it to anyone, a better soldier too.

Guys like him didn't look for permanent relationships, there wasn't time and their lives were often shortened by the battlefield. He wanted to tell her how he felt. He wanted to talk about the future, he wanted - God help him - to give her babies. But when he tried to bring up the subject, she turned the conversation to politics, or tactics or asked him his opinion on the last mission.

He turned his head to look down at her and suddenly it dawned on him. It was as if she was trying to teach him everything she could think of in a short amount of time. They were just a handful of missions away from taking on the Cerberus Base. Thessia had already fallen. For the first time the reality that he might lose her crept into his heart. He'd successfully kept it at bay, by enjoying his time on the Normandy. He loved the crew, the camaraderie, and the high tempo missions. Even without Shepard in his life, this was his best assignment ever.

Vega pulled her up and onto his chest, settling her there between his arms and legs. He would he would keep her safe, he couldn't lose her. Vega kissed her face as she turned it up to him, still half asleep.

She smiled, "Hey there," and kissed him back.

He caught a fistful of her hair and pulled her head back up. "Lola!"

"Hmm?"

"You know I love you. Right? Dammit, look at me!"

At the rough tone of his voice she awoke fully. Raising her head, Shepard saw the shine of tears down the sides of his face. His whole body had tensed and his heart was pounding against her own chest. He was trying and failing to control his emotions.

She straddled him, kissing the tears away, soothing and easing him back down with gentle hands. "I'm here. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

"You can't make that kind of promise."

As the days counted down to their final confrontation on earth, everything in their lives had become intense and dangerous. Even sex had taken on a different meaning. She knew instinctively what he needed was to be reassured he still had her. That he needed to possess her again. Shepard slid back down his body. He was ready for her, as she knew he would be. He gasped as she took him into herself. This time, she took control. This time, she saw to his pleasure first. But when he was finally asleep, she curled up on his chest and silently wept into her fist.

Shepard couldn't stop the momentum. Couldn't afford to take time out to think about a future. Her ability to control her future ended with their arrival in the Sol System. So for a short while she allowed herself to imagine she might wake up every morning to the sound of James' snoring and his morning kiss. To live with his strength and face the future by his side. Her path must diverge from his now. She had a job to finish and a duty to perform. Biting down on her knuckles she grieved for what could never be.

* * *

 

 _Tan caliente_! So hot!

 _Gilipollas_ : wanker, pendejos


	5. Where Have All the Soldiers Gone?

* * *

The entire crew compliment of the SR-2 Normandy gathered in the Hanger Bay. With everyone dressed in their best uniforms, everyone looked professional and smart. Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau stood at the front of the room. At a nod from the Commander he called the the crew to order.

"Company! Fall in!"

The enlisted members and officers crew came together, forming ranks, dressing their lines and coming to attention. Shepard watched them with pride swelling her heart. They were brave, dedicated and courageous and she loved each and everyone of them.

"Parade Rest!"

The Normandy's skipper stepped up to the podium.

"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. The Sol System is just twenty-four hours away. We're bringing the fight to Reapers, with the largest battle group ever formed. We've planned and trained for this moment and I know you'll make me proud. If we follow the plan and take care of each other success is guaranteed. The Normandy will meet up with Admiral Anderson's units in London. Before all of that happens and while we are together I want to take a moment to center ourselves and focus. The poem I'm about to read is ancient. Written by an Englishman named Robert Blake. If you will indulge me?

_And did those feet in ancient time._   
_Walk upon England's mountains green:_   
_And was the holy Lamb of God,_   
_On England's pleasant pastures seen!_

_And did the Countenance Divine,_   
_Shine forth upon our clouded hills?_   
_And was Jerusalem builded here,_   
_Among these dark Satanic Mills?_

_Bring me my Bow of burning gold;_   
_Bring me my Arrows of desire:_   
_Bring me my Spear: O clouds unfold!_   
_Bring me my Chariot of fire!_

_I will not cease from Mental Fight,_   
_Nor shall my Sword sleep in my hand:_   
_Till we have built Jerusalem,_   
_In England's green & pleasant Land_

As Shepard read the last line and the her voice echoed across the hanger bay the silence was complete. She gave them a few moments to digest what she had read. Then she continued.

"The designation N7 is a vocational code in the Systems Alliance. The "N" designates special forces and the "7" refers to the highest level of proficiency in that field. Normally this designation is awarded to marines who graduate from the Interplanetary Combatives Training program.

Three months ago, one of our own, Lieutenant James Vega, was nominated for the ICT program. However, in these special times and circumstances, he was unable to return to Earth to join a class."

"Admirals Paul Anderson and Steven Hackett decided, based on Lieutenant Vega's exposure to high risk combat scenarios, his bravery under fire and unfailing dedication to duty, the Lieutenant met or exceeded the training requirements. I am therefore tasked to present the Lieutenant his N7 status. Lieutenant Vega, will you join me at the podium?

"Company! Attention!"

They faced each other on the podium. "Lieutenant Vega, it is my honor and privilege to award you this N7 pin. Wear it proudly, Marine. You've earned it."

"Thank you, ma'am." Vega shook the Commander's hand and saluted her. She returned his salute. He winked at her and before she could react, he executed a precise about-face.

Flight Lieutenant Moreau began to call the comman for Parade Rest, but he was interrupted by a thunder of applause. Shepard stepped away to allow Vega his moment.

He grinned at them and raised his arms in victory, "WHO'S LIKE US?"

"DAMN FEW, SIR! OOOORAH!"

Lieutenant Vega was quickly surrounded by his shipmates and the celebrations began in full force.

Garrus joined Shepard, holding out his arm. "Care to join me for a walk?"

"I'd love to, Garrus. Lead the way." She gratefully took his arm and allowed him to lead her from the hanger deck.

The turian steered her toward the port observation area. Where he fixed her a drink and poured a dextro concoction for himself.

"I'm really just being selfish, Shepard. In just a few hours we will be very busy and I just want to spend some time with you all to myself."

"Not selfish at all. I'm happy you thought of it and glad for some peace and quiet, before…"

"-We've got more battle resources than we can count all headed toward Earth. We're gonna make it, Shepard. We'll blast those sons-of-bitches back to whatever black hole they crawled out of. I say that because the alternative is intolerable."

She didn't trust her voice so she nodded in agreement.

"No regrets about your relationship with James?"

"No, Garrus, I'm not sorry. He's been wonderful. More than that. More than I can say, really."

"I'm glad Shepard. He touched her cheek with a talon. If it couldn't be me, then I'm glad it was him. Not sure I could have tolerated seeing you with anyone else. Especially, Alenk..."

"Don't say it."

He chuckled. "Sorry. Come over here."

She scooted over to Garrus and he pulled her close. "You looked great up there. But then you always do."

He felt her smile. "You clean up pretty good yourself, Vakarian."

She sat up straighter, "So all the arrangements are made?"

"Just as you requested. Let's please not talk about that now. Come back here."

She obediently curled back into his side. They talked about the old days, the good days and the days they'd pulled each other back from the brink and how many times they owed each other their lives.

The ship was quiet as she walked back to her quarters. Each crewman in their own way preparing for the coming battle. The Normandy held them safe until the moment she must let them go to meet their fate. Commander Shepard stood silently at the galaxy map and listened to the heartbeat rhythms of her ship.

* * *

 

"Jerusalem" performed by the Cadet Glee Club of West Point. youtube: 5yaxVYNGaUU


	6. Gone to Graveyards Everyone

* * *

"Hey Vega! These just came in for you." Cortez tossed the lieutenant his new dog tags.

Vega read the N7 designation and slipped the chain over his head.

"Hey Esteban, you want these old ones? It'd be a real nice gesture if you wore my dog tags."

Cortez laughed. "I think you'd better stick to one novia at a time, Vega. You couldn't handle both of us."

Before Vega could respond with an appropriate reply, Cortez gripped his hand. "You be careful down there, amigo."

"Yeah, man. I will. Got a lot to come back to."

"Better get the shuttle ready." Cortez turned abruptly away, his voice roughened by emotion.

From his vantage point by the work table, Vega watched the crew assembling for transport down to Earth. There was Shepard, walking from soldier to soldier, speaking a word here and there, adjusting a bit of armor and shaking hands. Some of them just wanted to touch her. Like she was some kind of a good luck charm. He couldn't see her face, but the expressions of the crew told him everything. They would follow her to hell and back. That's exactly what they were about to face down there. An old-fashioned, New Testament style hell, complete with brimstone, flames and devils.

" _Traigalo, Diablo_ ," he muttered, securing the last of his weapons and joining his team.

The ride down to earth was just a prelude to what awaited them. They had to fight their way to the headquarters building. Shepard reported in to Admiral Anderson with her teams. Their orders were to assist another team in getting to the conduit. Before they headed out Shepard allowed herself the time to speak to each of her staff. She tried to keep it light and tried not to make it sound like goodbye. But saying goodbye to Garrus almost broke her. By the time she reached Vega, he was pacing, antsy as hell and ready to hit the battlefield.

"Lieutenant."

"Hey, Commander."

"What? No Lola?" The bravado in her voice sounded harsh and false.

"Yeah, sorry, he said with a familiar gesture, rolling his shoulders and coming up on the balls of his feet. I'm ready to go. So, let's go."

He noticed the Admiral approaching them. Whatever needed to be said, had been said and for the moment it would have to suffice. Vega stuck his hand out to Shepard, they shook hands, then he switched hand positions and pulled her toward him.

"Whatever happens out there it's been an honor serving with you Shepard and the rest you know."

"Same here, James. Let's go take 'em down."

"Give the word. My team is ready to move out."

Shepard took a moment to inspect the lieutenant's his team. They'd chosen Tali for tech, Samara for backup to Tali's biotics and Zaeed to beef up whatever the other marines needed. Their job was to cover Shepard's right flank as she took her team straight up the middle through what they were amusingly calling "No Man's Land" to carve a path for the Hammer Team to the silver towers and beacon.

"Shepard!" Admiral Anderson called out. "It's time. Move them out."

Vega fixed a memory in his mind. It was the one thing he intended to see when this was all over. It was Shepard, moving always at full speed, through the Normandy, in that N7 hoodie she loved, her ponytail swinging behind her and looking all of sixteen years old.

There was nothing left to do but move out. They stepped out into the carnage. There was no front line. The enemy was everywhere. Hundreds of the Reaper soldiers of every shape and size, coming at them from all directions. The deafening drone of the Reaper ships drowned out everything. The ground shook and they had to yell to be heard.

Anderson ordered them to provide aid and cover to Shepard while she worked on bringing the AA Hades cannon online in order to take out the Reaper ship guarding the silver towers. For one long, really bad moment, Vega didn't think they could hold back the enemy long enough for Shepard to complete the task.

Then suddenly the cannon fired and the ground shook. The Reaper ship reared back as if stunned. Then it came crashing to the ground, the fireball carried by the blast blowing directly over their heads. They'd taken cover, but Vega watched Tali get bounced off the side of a truck. He got to her in time to pull her out of the path of another wave of Husks.

"COVER US," he yelled. Samara stepped up to obey his order.

He sat her down on the ground. Tali's hands were all over her helmet trying to assess the damage.

"Hey, you okay? Let me help you get that out of your face."

She forced herself to be still as Vega gently pulled the pieces of her visor away from her face.

"You should just go! Stay with Shepard!"

"We have a few seconds while the Admirals decide our next move. Okay, I got it all."

"Thank you."

"How can I help? I need you to stay with us. We need you."

"First of all, you couldn't make me leave," she said, suddenly calm and defiant. "Just something to cover my nose and mouth... I guess. I've never taken my hood off before."

Vega tore the shirt off the body of a dead soldier and with his knife cut a long piece of fabric. He tied it around Tali's mouth and nose, making sure she could still see, then pulled her hood back down over her head.

"Hey, wait a minute. Are you telling me no one has ever seen your face before now?"

"Well, my mother and my aunt... when I was little. But not..."

Shepard shouted orders from across the debris filled street. "Move out!"

Vega repositioned his team and they took off toward the towers and that ominous beam.

Then hell showed up to the party and the devil made his entrance. The cacophony of the Reaper's retaliation was shattering. Almost immediately, Vega and his team were separated from Shepard's group. The lieutenant placed his people in a defensive position as close to the towers as safety permitted.

Suddenly, the radio chatter went silent. He couldn't raise Shepard or Anderson. His last orders were to provide aid and cover to Shepard, so that's what they would do. They fired into the area around the base of the beam and kept it clear.

Vega noticed Tali crouching behind a pile of debris. She fired when she could but for the most part she was trying to cover her head. Tali, for whom every sound, every smell and every sight had been filtered through her suite this was torture. He shook her shoulders, to give her encouragement and knelt down next to her as they fired round after round into the endless sea of the enemy's charge.

They were running out of heat sinks. Samara was exhausted. Their position had come very close to being overrun when Tali had been knocked to the ground by a Husk. Zaeed had managed to kill it and pull it off the quarian. He got her to cover and nodded an okay back to Vega. But the mercenary stayed down next to her.

Then Vega's last weapon jammed in his hands. Samara sprayed a row of Husks with an electric charge, then dropped to her hands and knees. The marines tightened formation, standing back to back. They were down to just their combat knives.

Zaeed yelled to him, pointing up to the tower. The whole thing was shutting down. Vega looked around, confused because suddenly it was quiet. Then the beam disappeared. All around them the Reaper soldiers dropped to the ground.

Above their heads something was happening to the Citadel, but the smoke prevented them from seeing anything. Vegas team stood, moving closer together as they cautiously listened.

Anderson's voice over the radio was the first thing they heard.

"Vega, here, sir."

"Thank God, son. You're okay. Who's with you?"

Tali, Samara, Zaeed and my three marines."

"What about Shepard's team? I can't raise them."

"Unknown sir. Holding position until we can make an assessment. Things just went very quiet here."

"Acknowledged. The Reaper signatures are gone. Go ahead and round-up whomever you can find. Have Shepard report in ASAP."

"Aye, Sir."

Vega turned to his team. They'd picked up several soldiers on their way. All of them were looking to him now.

"Listen Up! We're moving out. Locate whatever weapons you can find and focus on the living!"

His team pulled themselves to their feet and fell in behind the lieutenant. They hadn't made it fifty feet before Garrus came staggering out of the smoke and fire.

Tali saw him first and ran to him, "Garrus!"

He caught her by the arms, looking down into her face.

"Tali? You made it. You're okay?" She nodded as he slowly pulled the fabric away from her face. She tried to duck her head away, but Garrus stopped her with gentle hands. "I always knew there was an angel under there."

Vega watched for Shepard to follow the turian, but she never showed. "Garrus. Where's the rest of your team? Where's Shepard?"

The turian looked around, his blue eyes, blinking in confusion. "She's not with you?"

"Vakarian! Where the fuck is Shepard?" Vega heard his voice rising. In just a second, Garrus would explain everything. They would all gather together and head back to HQ.

"I don't know. There was a laser. It carved through everything. A wall of fire. We got to the beam... the conduit. That's all I remember. We'll find her."

"You're in shock, sit down," he motioned to Tali. "Stay with him."

"No," was Tali's reply as she re-tied the cloth around her face. "We all go together."

Garrus forced himself upright, squaring his shoulders. "That's right, Vega. We stick together."

The setting sun cast an eerie glow through the dirty smoky air. Vega had been ordered back to the base three times, until he finally just threw the radio down.

They searched for her, all of them together. Grunt searched through the debris, throwing pieces aside as he clawed his way through the wreckage. They called her name and they held on to hope and each other.

Lieutenant Vega caught sight of the red stripe on her armor just as the last rays of the sun glimmered across the ground through the dirty air. Her helmet lay just a few feet away. Grunt and Zaeed pulled the debris away that buried her. There was still a weapon in her hand. When Vega tried to carefully remove it from her grasp, her arm recoiled as she fought to keep control of the weapon.

"Shepard! It's me. It's okay." _¡Dios mío!_

So badly burned it looked as if the armor was fused to her skin. She was incredibly still alive.

"James? Is that you?"

The little girl sound of her voice brought him to his knees beside her. "Lola, you hang on. The medics are on their way," he gathered her up in his arms. His mind recoiled at the broken fragility of her injured body.

"S' okay. I don't need them now."

"Of course you do." Vega gently wiped the blood from her face and smoothed her blond hair. "Don't you leave me. You just keep talking."

She reached up a shattered hand to touch his face. "James, I... you'll be great. Garrus, knows... In my quarters there's a recommendation. You take care of her..."

"No! Don't you leave me...stay. The medics are coming. See? Just up the street. Lola... don't leave me here."

"I'm so tired...I'm glad you're okay. The others?"

"Everyone is fine. You don't have to say anything. Just hang on to me and save your strength. Please."

"But I do. I need to tell you something I'm sorry..."

"Stop!" A scream rose in his throat as she became lighter in his arms. She was leaving him and no amount of strength or will power could stop it from happening.

"I never told you I loved you... I do... love you...I'm so tired. Please kiss me, James... stay with me until I fall asleep."

He kissed her, but didn't close his eyes as he watched the light fade from her sea green eyes. Then his body arched around her's in a wave of pain that felt as if it were killing him too. He wanted it to kill him. He wanted to follow her. It was not possible that a life force as strong as her's might be gone. He prayed to God to take him too. Not her. Please not her. _Take me instead_.

"Spirits," whispered Garrus as he dropped to his knees next to the Shepard. The turian threw his head back and keened for the loss of his friend. The sound of his grief tore through the air like the scream of an eagle. It chilled them all. Garrus reached out a trembling hand and closed her eyes.

Tali let out a cry and turned blindly toward Zaeed. The merc wrapped his arms around the grieving young woman.

Vega snarled at the medics when they tried to take her from his arms, "No! You're too late. Don't you touch her!"

"Sir, Let us help her now. We'll take care of her."

Samara laid a gentle hand on his shoulder, "Let her go, James. Her work is done. Let her rest."

It took Garrus and Zaeed to get him to let go of her and pull him to his feet. Then he broke away and picked her up. Laying her gently on the stretcher he kissed her one last time.

_"Te amo, Mi Lola. Estás en los brazos de los ángeles."_

Someone placed an alliance flag over her body. Vega looked away. He couldn't stand what they were about to do to her memory. She was no martyr.

 

**SIX MONTHS LATER, EARTH**

The peace held. Without the constant threat of annihilation, the lines of communication began by Shepard, made it easier for the races to keep talking. Agreements were made, trade negotiations and plans to share resources finalized.

With the efforts of the geth and the quarians the Citadel was almost inhabitable again. Although no one could figure out how to transport it back to the Serpent Nebula. It was decided it would stay in orbit above Earth as a symbol of peace and a place of learning and cooperation.

Strangely, once they gained access to the Citadel they discovered the Keepers were gone. The asari, much humbled by their defeat, offered to become its stewards. Dr. T'Soni accepted the position of its director.

On board the Normandy, Major James Vega slipped on his dress blue uniform jacket, shrugging it over his broad shoulders. He checked himself in the mirror, noting with a grimace the new gray hair at his temples.

"Not a word, Garrus," Vega warned his new first officer. Garrus lifted his shoulders in innocence. Both men stopped at the top of the stairs and looked back over the empty room. "I hate this room now. There's nothing left of her. Her mother took all her personal things. I asked for something of her's..."

"Hey. You're wrong, James. Her spirit is here with us and the Normandy. She promised she would watch over us and she will."

The final ceremonies were scheduled for today. Vega had spent more time in his dress uniform in the last six months than he had in his entire career. So it was one more time down to Earth, then the Normandy was officially back on active duty. He looked forward to getting back into space. But after the ceremony he had one more stop to make before they left Earth.

The ground cars came to a stop at the graveyard. Garrus and Vega stepped out of the first one. The rest of the Normandy crew followed. They'd made it. This time Vega's entire unit had made it out alive. With one exception. When Admiral Anderson had seen her body, he shook Vega's hand, tossed his uniform hat and Admiral stars on the desk and walked out of the bunker. There were reports that he was working for the recovery effort somewhere in the London area. But no one had seen him since that day.

While they'd all been busy helping Earth pull herself back together, spring had quietly slipped up on war torn England.

Garrus called out, "James. Look!"

Vega had been gathering up the usual bouquet of flowers he placed each week on Commander Shepard's gravesite. He had to turn to look at what they were pointing at.

"Look, the graveyard is covered with flowers!" Tali remarked excitedly.

As far as they could see, hundreds of daffodils bowed and waved their yellow and white petals in the breeze. The sun shone down on them from a bright blue sky.

 

**SR-2 Normandy, CO's Quarters, Early morning**

The aquarium had been replaced with a weapons wall. The flag from Commander Shepard's casket sat on the bedside table enclosed in a triangle shaped oak box. While an old fashioned framed photograph stood next to it. A young woman in a black N7 hoodie grinned out from the picture. Her blond hair was tied up in a pony tail and she had apparently just blown a kiss to someone behind the camera.

The Normandy's CO was fast asleep, his arms hugging a pillow to his chest. In his dreams, he murmured, "Lola.. lol..a. Mmmm."

EDI woke him up. "Lieutenant Commander Vega, First Officer Vakarian is waiting for you in the conference room. Garrus wants to know how much longer you intend to keep him waiting. He said to tell you, and I quote, "'I don't have all day. I do have a ship to run.'"

"Yeah, yeah. EDI. I'm awake. Remind him who's got the big bed and tell him I'll be right down."

"Understood, sir."

"I was dreaming, EDI."

"That was obvious. Your rapid eye movement was erratic, accelerated heart rate and your circulation was oddly pooling..."

"That's enough!"

* * *

 

 _novia:_ girlfriend

 _Traigalo, Diablo_ : Bring it, Devil

 _Mi Lola, estás en los brazos de los ángeles_ : My Lola, You're in the arms of the angels

Where Have All the Flowers Gone? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Qt57c7rnHM


	7. Butterfly

* * *

  _Time has passed_  
 _So much has changed_  
 _But the field remains in my heart_  
 _Oh, where are you?_  
 _I need to tell you I still love you_  
 _So I reach out for you_  
 _You fly around me like a butterfly_  
 _Your voice still echoes in my heart_  
 __You are my true love_ _

* * *

 

"Major, there's a new message on your private terminal."

"Gracias, Traynor. I'll take it in my cabin. Let me know when we enter the Sol System."

"Aye, Sir."

Allowing himself a moment to relax, Major Vega leaned up against the elevator wall. They were headed back to Earth with a boat load of ambassadors. He would be very glad to get them off his ship. The consequences of peace time had the Normandy ferrying arrogant politicians and over-educated snobs around the galaxy. It was not his idea of a warrior's job description. Never-the-less he was looking forward to getting back to Earth. Twenty four hours from now would be the one year anniversary of Shepard's death. He had a case of Dos Equis beer, three days leave and plans to spend it with her.

The door to the his quarter's slid open. He tried, as he always did, not to look for her here. But he always failed. This room where the entire cycle of their relationship had begun and where they'd said their final goodbye. In just two months they had packed in a lifetime. For Vega it had to last a lifetime. He still grieved for her, he still watched for and listened for her voice. He missed her.

He was grateful for the gifts she had given him. That he was now the skipper of this ship was nothing short of astonishing. It was something she felt he'd earned and was her last gift to him. He didn't intend to let her down. But he really just wanted his girl back. When they'd made Garrus his XO, the Turian had extended an open invitation to him for free drinks and mission debriefings. He knew that was a tradition he shared with Shepard and he was pleased to continue it with the turian. Vega and Garrus worked well together and forged a friendship out of shared grief but was now something more. They'd helped each other through the worst parts of their loss and now their relationship sustained them through the dangerous missions and molded a solid friendship.

Getting drunk with Garrus before he came up here often helped him just get through the door. He was probably drinking too much, but he needed something to fill the hole in his chest left by her death. The drinking also helped him stop the dreams. Dreams of him trying to reach her before she was impaled on one of those Husk machines. He always got to her just as she completed the transformation and slid off the pedestal ready to attack him. Sometimes he dreamed he was hearing her calling his name. He looked for under the rubble, but could never find her. Eventually, she stopped calling for him and he woke up in a heart pounding sweat.

Vega thumbed the switch on his private terminal, an image of a gorgeous brunette appeared.

"Yes?"

"Mister Vega? I am Miranda Lawson. We've never met."

"Never had the pleasure, but I have heard a lot about you."

"I understand you'll dock on Earth soon."

He didn't answer.

"I wonder if you would meet with me?"

"What can I do for you Ms. Lawson?"

"I have something for you... or at least, something to show you."

"Ms Lawson, I'm a very busy guy."

"Not at this time, Mister Vega. I happen to know you begin three days of leave as soon as you dock."

The cemetery commemorating the Battle for Earth dead was located on what had once been the old London Victoria Train Station. Although it had been a museum for decades, it was so badly damaged by the Reapers, it was now a dedicated cemetery and memorial.

Vega walked the worn path to Commander Shepard's grave site. For once there was no one else around. Although people were still leaving flowers, gifts and thank you notes. She might be gone, but her spirit made itself known. Not only on the Normandy, but on Earth too. The officer in him understood and accepted all these symbolic gestures and accolades. But the man just wanted his girl back. The girl who made him laugh, teased him and allowed nothing less than perfection. He knelt down at her grave, placing a fresh bouquet of flowers in the holder. As he cleaned up around the site he heard footsteps.

It was the woman from the comm yesterday: Miranda Lawson. His first thought was that she was even prettier than her image, then he noticed the woman walking behind her was carrying something in her arms.

She stopped several yards away. Vega watched her.

"You're James Vega?"

"You know I am. What do you want Ms. Lawson?"

"Mr. Vega, I have something for you. If you don't want it, I will keep it... I planned to keep it. But I finally realized I was just being selfish and that you have every right to know about this. May I come closer?"

Vega didn't answer.

"You probably didn't notice that day, but the medics initiated life support measures to Shepard. You see, Mr. Vega, they brought her straight to me. Their efforts kept her blood pressure up and blood circulating long enough for me to rescue...to rescue...Did you know she was pregnant, Mr. Vega?"

Vega's hands clenched into fists. She noticed it, of course.

"While I understand your anger. I should advise you that I am well able to defend myself."

"You have thirty seconds to say whatever you have to say," he ground out between clenched teeth.

Miranda took took the bundle from the woman and walked over to Vega. She flipped the edge of the pink blanket. The baby awoke, blinking in the sun and waving her small hands. She didn't start to fuss as most babies would, she simply looked around, quietly surveying her surroundings.

There was Miranda, whom she knew but didn't like much. The nurse. The one who fed and changed her, but otherwise made little impression. Something new and different caught the baby's attention. It was a much larger creature than she was accustomed to seeing in her world. The baby squirmed and twisted around in Miranda's arms to get a closer look. Then suddenly the baby planted her feet on Miranda's chest and pushed. It caught Miranda off guard and before she could secure the child, Vega had caught her.

"Mister Vega, it seems as though your daughter recognizes her father."

The baby girl opened her sea green eyes wide, waving her hands and flashing a toothless grin. There was a fuzzy mop of black hair, her mother's eyes and ten perfect fingers on two perfect little pink hands. One of those hands wrapped itself firmly around Vega's index finger.

Something tore loose from the shroud of grief around his heart. He thought he'd never feel it again. The feel of her in his arms, the smell of her, the strength of her hand and small body happily kicking and squirming. A heart that had broken long ago and thought never to function properly again began to mend.

" _Lolita. Mi niña hermosa. ¿De dónde vienes del angelito_?

Vega covered the baby's head and turned to Miranda. "What kind of monster are you? What gave you the right to interfere?"

She laughed, a hard and brittle sound. "Of course I had no right! But I did have the skills and the means to make it happen. I loved her too you know. You're not the only one who grieves for Shepard."

Vega turned his back on Miranda and sat down on a stone bench next to Shepard's grave. Over his shoulder he said, "Go. Now."

"Yes, I'm leaving. I understand. Everything you require for her was placed in your ground car. I would really love to see her again, Mr. Vega. Maybe someday. The nurse will remain with her as long as you wish. Oh, and Mr. Vega? She does not have a name."

Miranda Lawson walked back to her car alone.

"Lola? He said, speaking to Shepard's headstone. Look what I have here. She's so beautiful. Why didn't you tell me..." Vega lost his voice, as emotions washed over him and he buried his face against his daughter's soft scent.

Sometime later he felt a hand on his shoulder, "Mr Vega? It is time for the butterfly to eat."

"Why do you call her butterfly?"

The woman laughed, "Because, she's always trying to fly, to move, to be anywhere else but where she is at that moment. Come back to the car with me and we will feed your the little one."

Vega nuzzled his daughter's cheek. "Mariposa, will you join me for lunch?"

When they arrived at the vehicle, the nurse reached for the baby. Vega wasn't about to let her go. "Will you teach me how to feed her?"

* * *

 

 _Lolita. Mi niña hermosa. ¿De dónde vienes del angelito?:_ Lolita. My beautiful little girl. Where have you come from little angel?

 _Mariposa_ : Butterfly

 

The House of Flying Daggers, Lovers

Covered by Kathleen Battle

  
_There was a field in my home town_   
_Where we always played hand in hand_   
_The wind was gently touching the grass_   
_We were so young, so fearless_

  
_Then I dreamt o'er and over_   
_Of you holding me tight under the stars_   
_I made a promise to my dear lord_   
_I will love you forever_

  
_Time has passed_   
_So much has changed_   
_But the field remains in my heart_   
_Oh, where are you?_   
_I need to tell you I still love you_

  
_So I reach out for you_   
_You fly around me like a butterfly_   
_Your voice still echoes in my heart_   
_You are my true love_

  
_There was a field in my old town_   
_Where in spring all flowers blossomed wide_   
_We were chasing butterflies_   
_Hand in hand 'til close of day_   
_Your voice still echoes in my heart_

Lovers: <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRWo8848cSU>


	8. Intruder Alert!

Shepard's eyes snapped open. She lay perfectly still, listening to the night sounds of her ship. Something had awakened her. Something felt wrong. To avoid detection she was careful to move only her eyes and not her head toward the view screen. There it was. She knew it. Just off to the left of the screen she could see the edge of a ship. Intruders! There was no time to contact Joker. This was her ship, it was her responsibility and she took it very seriously.

They must be very clever aliens to avoid tripping the proxmity'larms. Joker had better not be sleeping again. The last time she'd caught him sleeping, she hadn't invited him to her next party. But, she couldn't stay mad at him very long, because some day he was going to marry her. He'd promised. Back to business, Shepard. Stay foc'sed.

She quietly donned her armor and slipped a pistol from the gun rack. One thing left to do now before she put her plan into action. It took her just a moment to pick her team: Garrus, of course. He was her best one, because he was a swiper'specialist and you always needed one of those. One more. Who could it be? She carefully examined each one. Not Grunt. He was too loud. Tali was too...Javik! He had plenty of eyes and they would need them to find all the bad guys and get them off her ship. The door to her quarters slide open and Shepard crept slowly into the elevator. She double checked her weapon and armor before the doors opened on the CIC. Shepard's team filed out silently behind her. They were a good team, because they had her back and they would keep her safe. Always.

Before turning toward the com room she took a quick look around the CIC. Very quiet. Too quiet. Silently, she slipped around the corner to her right. Shepard heard voices from the meeting room. Someone sounded really mad. This must be it! With her team placed for maximum effect, Shepard prepared herself for the assault. The doors slid open. The fearless young woman dropped to the ground, executed a perfect battle roll and came up on her feet. She leveled her weapon.

"WEEPER ATTACK. EVERYONE GET DOWN."

Eight people were immediately silenced and all eyes turned toward the door. It took them a moment to locate the origin of the warning because the person who'd shouted was only three feet tall. The only reason they looked up at all was the intruder had actually yelled louder than they were.

She was wearing a pink t-shirt that read 'Because I'm the Captain, That's Why' across the front, an old adult-sized N7 helmet, which at the moment was wobbling around on her small head, black Alliance marine sweat pants and Rachni Queen fuzzy slippers.

The Volus Ambassador was hiding under the table, having slid down at the first sound of trouble. The Batarian Ambassador clutched at the clear wall of the room as if he could somehow pass through it. The Quarian Ambassador, Kal'Reegar was on his feet standing protectively in front of his pregnant wife, Admiral Tali vas Normandy. The Normandy's first officer roared with laughter and Commander James Vega's head was in his hands.

"Commander, that Shrunken is live." Garrus warned, quickly sobering. He stood slowly and walked toward the little girl.

"Mariposa Angelina Vega Shepard, hand that weapon, the way I showed you, to Garrus immediately. Is the safety on?"

"Yes sir, Skipper, sir!"

With the crisis averted and weapon secured, the conference members began to calm down. Someone rolled the Volus out from under the table.

Vega lifted his daughter into his arms. Mariposa threw her arms into the air. She loved being this high up. She could see everything and everyone. She gave his neck muscle a punch. Her Daddy had the biggest muscles of anyone. Vega removed the helmet from his daughter's head and looked at her with as much bluster as he could manage.

"What are you doing out of bed and where are your pajamas?"

"There was a Weeper invasion, Skipper! I saw that bug ship through my window. I had to put on my armor real quick and there's my team over by the door. I'm here to save you!"

They all looked toward where she was pointing. There by the entrance was a plush Garrus doll, complete with blue battle armor and a sniper rifle. On the other side sat a matching Javik doll, his multi-glass eyes observing everything. The complete set of "Hero's of the SR-2 Normandy" doll collection were carefully arranged on a shelf by her bed.

"I sneaked all the way down here, Daddy...I mean Skipper. No one saw me. I think it's my upgraded slippers. Shepard looked over the edge of her father's arms and stuck out her feet. I can sneak 'round real good now. Aunty L'ara said I had to depend on these until I was old enough to learn use my 'otics. Am I old enough yet? Maybe when I'm four?

"Mariposa, time to say good night."

The little girl with the mass of black hair, which her father could never keep brushed properly and sea green eyes, wiggled around and waived to everyone.

Admiral vas Normandy called out to her, "Thank you for saving us, Mariposa."

"Welcome! See you in the morning, Aunty Tali, I wanna talk to that baby in your tummy. I think he wants to come out now. I'll let him play..." The door slid shut. Ambassador Reeger slid his arms around his wife and pulled her close.

The tense vibrations in the room were gone now. The volus wheezed quietly and the batarian peeled himself off the wall and the two quarians joined Garrus at the table. They got back to work with renewed purpose.

Back in their room, Vega helped his little girl get back into her pajamas. When he lifted the blankets for her, he noticed Mariposa had tucked the picture of her mother against the pillow.

"What's this doing in here, Mari?"

Mariposa settled in and reached for the picture. "Well, Skipper. Those Weepers kind of scared me so I thought Mommy would be safer here with my crew watching over her. Can she stay for a while?"

"Of course," he whispered, suddenly losing his voice as emotion rose.

"Good night, Mariposa. I'll be up soon. So don't worry about the Weepers."

"Aye, aye, Skipper!"


	9. Surprise!

Two days before her fifth birthday, she had a dream. A woman with green eyes and blond hair bent over her bed, kissed her on the cheek and whispered, "Happy Birthday, Mariposa. I love you and I'm so proud of you."

The dream woke her up, as it always did, but not because it scared her. It did make her a little sad though. The dream never lasted longer than the kiss. She would have liked it if the woman had hugged her. She could get all the hugs she wanted. There was Aunty Tali and Aunty Liara and her father, of course. Her need for this particular hug seemed more important. Mariposa didn't understand why it was so important; she just knew that she wanted the dream to last longer.

There were many changes happening in her world this week. Not only was she turning five years old, they were also leaving the Normandy and moving into an apartment on the Citadel. She would have her own room, a park, and her own computer and go to a real school. Her daddy had explained to her that he'd accepted a new job and it was time they settled down so she could go to a real school and have friends her own age.

The Normandy was the only home she'd ever known. She knew every inch of the ship, more than anyone else did because she could fit into those spaces where no adult could. Mariposa thought about her friends. There was Garrus, EDI, JokerJeff, Grunt, her Aunties and Tali's little boy. Her father assured her they would see even more of them once they'd moved to the Citadel. Nevertheless, she worried about her ship. No one had explained to her what would happen to her ship. In the morning, she would ask Garrus. He always answered her questions.

Mariposa slipped from her bed and padded silently over to where her father lay snoring. If she were very quiet, she could be snuggled up with him, the dreams would go away, and she'd stop worrying. A frown creased her brow as she crawled quietly up, sliding under the blankets. Yes, this was much better and she curled up behind the safety of her Daddy's broad back. Just as she was falling back to sleep.

"Everything okay, Mari?"

"Umm, yeah… I guess."

He turned over and settled her into the circle of his arms. "What part of 'I guess' is not okay?"

"Skipper, the lady in the dream came by again and wished me happy birthday."

"You've had that dream before and we talked about it. We both miss your Mommy. I still dream about her too."

"Garrus told me that her spirit is a part of this ship. I know that's why she can visit me. If we leave...Daddy? What if? She might lose me. She won't know where I am!"

"Mari, give me your hand," and she obediently placed her small hand in his. James placed it over his heart. "She's in here, Mari." Then he took her hand and placed it over her own heart, "She's here too. See? We can't possibly lose her. Right?"

"Yes, Skipper. I understand. But…Well… I'm wondering. I know I had a Mommy. But I never really had a Mommy. Do you know what I mean?"

This issue had been troubling him lately, too. She was no longer a baby and she needed something more in her life. That was the main reason he'd accepted the assignment. She would have more exposure to mainstream world, rather than the gypsy life she'd been leading up until now.

"…So if I ask for a Mommy for my birthday, do you think I'd get one?"

The next morning, Mariposa gathered up her "Heroes of the Normandy" doll collection and tried not to be sad. Her best friends, JokerJeff and Garrus were leaving to go home for a visit. This was home. Why did they have to go anywhere else? She wanted to show JokerJeff her new bedroom and her new computer.

There had never been a time in her memory, when Garrus hadn't been there for her. He'd patiently answered all her questions and best of all allowed her to jump on his bed. They'd had some of their best conversations while she'd been jumping up and down. Once she'd asked him why, if was A-v-ian, then why didn't he have wings? She wanted to see his wings! Up until she was about four, she really thought he was just being stubborn about showing her his wings.

A couple of times, like the question about why she didn't have those bumps on her chest and all the other women did and if not, when? Garrus shooed her out of his office and referred her to Dr. Chakwas. There was the time she'd asked him about Aunty Tali's baby. She wanted to know how it got there and how it was going to get out. The entire situation troubled her. How would the baby share that suit with Tali? It was a simple and logical question. Garrus had not liked the question, at all. He'd picked her up and taken her directly to Dr. Chakwas' office. Later, Dr. Chakwas had come up to their cabin for dinner. Between her father and the doctor, Mariposa had learned quite a few new things that night.

When he was in the Main Battery working, she liked to sit on the crate just inside the doorway. Occasionally, she wondered why it had never been emptied or moved. Daddy always made her put her toys away. So why hadn't Garrus put this away? Sometimes, when he was busy concentrating on those calibrations of his, she could get him to talk about her mother. She would be very good and not fidget while he told her stories about her mother. The Main Battery was one of her favorite places because it was quiet and the hum of the ship sang songs to her.

After placing her Garrus and Tali doll in her backpack. She pulled her little suitcase off the bed and headed to the elevator. She looked back one more time.

"Bye Mommy, thanks for taking care of me. I'll come back, I promise."

By the time the elevator opened on the flight deck, Mariposa was thinking about the tattoo she would get once they were living on the Citadel. Her Daddy had said no. Well, he always said no. She was almost five now and he had tattoos and if Garrus could have tattoos on his face, then why couldn't she get a butterfly tattoo? That was her name wasn't it? Grownups didn't make sense sometimes.

"SURPRISE!"

"Happy Birthday, Mariposa!"

Mariposa blinked up in surprise. All her friends were here! Even Aunty Tali and Kal were here. And, their little son who she hadn't seen in a long time was toddling toward her, yelling her name as loud as he could, "MariMariMariMariMari!"

There were balloons and flowers and everyone was smiling at her. There was chocolate cake, with chocolate ice cream and chocolate chip cookies and a piñata in the shape of a butterfly. Everything came in dextro and regular flavor so Garrus and Tali could have a bite too.

In the end, she'd forgotten the tattoo or being sad, because she'd had a wonderful time.

When it came time to blow out her candles, her Daddy had reminded her to make a wish. So she did. She wished for a real Mommy and blew out all five candles in one breath. Everyone clapped as if she'd done something brilliant. This was not that hard. She could do algebra and read fifth grade books. She knew about Einstein's Special Theory of Relativity and the laws of physics. Garrus had helped her understand about the time when humans had discovered the Mass Effect Relays, they'd had to throw everything they'd ever thought was true about FTL and space travel out the window.

Grownups might not make sense sometimes, but they did give good presents. JokerJeff had given her a game for her new computer. It was a Normandy flight simulation game. So she could fly the Normandy anytime she wanted. Aunty Liara had given her a copy of the holographic vid she'd made of her Mommy a long time ago. She'd wanted to open that right then, but Liara had made her promise to wait until she got it to her bedroom. Her Daddy had given her a framed photograph of all of her friends. They were all sitting together in the mess hall. They'd each signed it. He'd promised they'd hang it in her room when they were settled in.

Then it came time to go and she realized she hadn't said goodbye to Garrus. Where was he? She looked around, but she couldn't' find him and her Daddy was calling her and it was time to go…! Suddenly, she was being swung up into the air by familiar hands and hugged by Garrus.

"Sorry, Mari. I had to take make sure we were cleared to dock. They wanted us in a special berth."

"Because the Normandy will be in dry dock for a while, right?"

"That is exactly right."

They solemnly touched foreheads and Garrus set her down.

"Mariposa, I didn't get you an actual birthday present, but I wonder if you would keep something for me while I'm gone?"

Well, this was better than any birthday present! Garrus wanted her to be responsible for something that belonged to him. She would do it and do a good job, too! He slipped his blue tinted visor off his head and gently placed it on her's. She stood perfectly still while he adjusted it for her.

"I'll see you soon, Mari. Okay?"

"Promise?"

"You know it, kid. Now get out of here. Your Father is waiting and I've got work to do."

She ran to the shuttle and climbed aboard. Although she managed not to cry, she did crawl up in her daddy's lap. She was worried he might be sad, so she hugged him all the way to the Citadel.


	10. Sleight of Hand

* * *

_Sleight of hand and twist of fate_  
 _On a bed of nails she makes me wait_  
 _And I wait without you_

* * *

 

Alliance Marine, Major James Vega shifted his daughter's weight across his lap. "Hey Mari, we're almost there." He said softly, kissing her forehead. All he got for his efforts was a frown and she turned her face against his shoulder. Smiling down at her tossled head, he just pulled her close again.

He knew from experience it was better to let her wake up on her own. Sleep had never come easy for her. When she was an infant there were some nights when he, Garrus and Tali took turns walking her up and down the corridors. Sometimes it was Traynor who could quiet her and sometimes it was Garrus. There were many times when the CO of the Normandy wore a baby sling as he went about his duties. Then, once she fell asleep she did not wake up easily.

"Wake up, Mariposa. You don't want to miss the landing do you?"

In response, she simply snuggled deeper.

Accepting this assignment on the Citadel was a good move for them. It meant a promotion for him and an opportunity to get his daughter around kids her own age. She'd been raised by adults and it was quite possible she was a little spoiled and a lot opinionated. It was time for her to discover she wasn't actually the center of the universe and meet children who were just as smart as she was. Heaven help them.

Her stubborn determination often manifested itself in a set of mannerisms that were so much like her mother's it often left him stunned. She'd learned to manipulate him by the time she was a year old. But then, she'd melted his heart the first time he'd held her in his arms. Yeah, meeting new people and attending a real school was the best thing for his precocious little butterfly.

"Daddy?"

"Hmm?"

"Is it time to see our new home?"

"In just about ten minutes. Do you want to help Steve with docking?"

"YES!" She exclaimed, going from sleeping to wide awake in seconds. Sending a stream of spanish directed at Steve Cortez, she ran forward to assist the pilot in guiding the Kodiak down.

Vega tipped his head back against the seat and closed his eyes. A lot had happened in the last five years and not a minute of it could he imagine happening to him. Until he'd met Commander Shepard, he'd never really been in love. Hell, he hadn't even know what it meant. He'd been just another marine grunt; fighting, drinking and playing cards. There was simply no where in his heart or mind that imagined he could duplicate that time with the Commander. Then when he'd met his daughter, he'd fallen hard. A tiny bundle of black hair and green eyes and toothless grin had given him a reason to keep living.

They needed each other and they took care of each other. Somehow she'd seemed to realize that. Once, when he'd explained that the woman in the picture by his bed was her mother, he'd watched her work out the logic of the three of them. One was missing. She wanted to know why her mother wasn't here with them. Where was she and when was she coming back? Why did Tali's son get a mother and a father, but she didn't? Vega hadn't realized until that moment that it was possible to miss something you'd never had.

That her mother had died fighting to save Earth was easier to explain that where babies came from. He grinned at that memory. She'd been very concerned about just where and how Tali's son would find his way out of that suit.

He wished Shepard could see Tali and Kal'Reeger together. They'd found each other again after the battle and now they were a little family. They were so good for each other. Mariposa needed that mother figure in her life now. Liara and Tali had done all they could to fill that particular emptiness in her life. Mariposa had brought joy to all their lives. Just how a mother for his daughter figured into Vega's life had not yet been resolved or even faced.

Since Shepard's death and the entrance of his daughter into his life, he had not been with another woman. Between his duties as commanding officer of the Normandy and raising Mariposa there'd never been time. Not that he'd looked very hand. A mother for Mariposa, meant a woman in his life. He remembered every kiss he's shared with his Lola. Memories of the time when they'd met down at the water park to the time they'd cracked the glass on the aquarium, left little room for new memories.

Now the precious results of those two months together was five years old and she'd asked for a mother for her birthday

The shuttle bumped to a stop, rousing Vega out of his thoughts. He grabbed their bags and shook hands with Steve. "See you in a couple of months, Jefe."

"You take care, Major. You too, Mariposa."

" _Adios, Esteban_!"

They made an interesting pair as he moved through the Citadel. The tall muscular marine looking far too young to be wearing those major's bars on his shoulders and the petite little girl holding his hand. Although she favored her mother in many ways, she was her father's daughter in hair color, bearing and attitude. The sight of them drew several smiles from the people they passed.

Vega shook her hand. "Mari, we aren't entering a battle zone, you don't have took look as if you're spoiling for a fight."

"But Skipper, Garrus and Zaeed told me to always be ready when entering new surroundings," she replied, seriously."

Vega rolled his eyes. How in the world was he going to turn his little soldier back into a little girl?"

They made their way to the Presidium Commons and the CSec Field Office. "Mariposa, I need to check in here. Can you, stay right here on this couch until I get back?"

"Aye, Skipper."

Major Vega winked at his daughter, straightened his uniform jacket, nodded to the turian receptionist who unlocked the door and waived the Major in.

After several minutes of kicking her feet against the couch and watching the passing parade of aliens, she was getting restless. She could identify them all and she'd met at least one representative from each race. How much longer? She was getting bored. But, she had promised to wait. So to occupy herself Mariposa carefully placed Garrus' visor on her head.

Adjusting the eyepiece the walls of the office suddenly flashed large in her view. The sign 'CSec' bloomed large. This was too close. She needed to look at something farther away. So down the stairs she walked, enjoying how people in the distance looked so close up now. At the bottom of the stairs. She turned right and the entire panorama of the Commons and the water park filled her view. Mariposa searched for the best spot to watch the water fountains sparkling in the light. Another set of stairs. The water was so pretty. Suddenly something entirely blocked her view. She looked up just as she bumped into a lady. The lady was smiling at her.

"Are you lost, Sweetie?"

Lost? She'd been raised with the survival instincts of a quarian, the wisdom of an asari, the cunning and patience of a mercenary and the battlefield sense of a marine. Mariposa was nobody's fool. She knew exactly how far she'd walked and exactly how to get back to where her father had made her promise to wait.

"No ma'am, I'm not lost."

The woman didn't seem to hear her and said, my name is Mercedes what's yours?"

"Mariposa, ma'am."

"Mariposa? What a lovely name. Little Butterfly would you sit here with me for a few minutes?"

Little Butterfly?

With one eye on the direction back to her father and the CSec Office, Mariposa chose the seat which left her a direct path to the stairs. Zaeed would be proud.

"So Little Butterfly what brings you to the Citadel?"

"My father and I moved here today," _and My name is not little butterfly_.

"How exciting. Why don't I order us some ice cream. What's your favorite flavor?"

Major Vega was talking to Bailey over his comm link; trading insults and promising to meet later for beers. He was juggling a stack of PADDS when he stepped back into the waiting room.

"Let's go see our new place, Mariposa." But his little girl was nowhere to be found.

"Mariposa? Mari! Did anyone see a little girl with black hair?"

A nearby batarian simply blinked his eyes and turned away. The turian guard shrugged and the quarian ducked his hooded face and hurried away. Otherwise the corridor was empty and there was no sign of his daughter.

Think marine, he thought to himself willing down the growing concern. Marines, don't panic, remember?

She had not been out of his site since he'd brought her aboard the Normandy. The wide open spaces of the Citadel now seemed a dangerous place for a little girl who was accustomed to the confines of a space ship.

As he hurried down the steps, several people stopped to chat and welcome him to him to the Citadel. Several others saluted. All of which interrupted his search for his daughter. Then it occurred to him that she might be attracted to the water. Vega quickened his pace and reached the the cafe just as he noticed a small dark head and her very familiar gesturing. His heart began to slow down to normal. She appeared to be talking to a woman who was sitting with her back to him. His daughter never met a stranger that was for sure.

"Mariposa?"

"Hi Skipper! This is Mercedes. She was just asking me about our ship."

The woman stood and turned with her hand out, grasping Major Vega's hand with hers before he could react.

The reaction was immediate. Her hand was warm and soft. Her grip firm. Her eyes were black as her hair and she held both his eyes and his hand just a moment too long. To say she was obviously beautiful, might not be the important thing. With her jet black hair and eyes, she was both alluring and mysterious.

He could not deny the surge of longing that shot through him. He acknowledged it and tried to let it pass. But she held on to his hand and his heart had begun to beat too quickly for his liking.

"Very nice to meet you, Major...?"

"Vega."

Major Vega. I'm Mercedes Villarreal and I'm new here myself. I'm a doctor over at Huerta. We've all been hearing about the famous marine coming here to clean up this, this I believe the expression is "wild west, town?"

"Daddy, can we go see our new place now?"

"That's a good idea, Mari." Thankful to his daughter for giving him a way out of this awkward moment. He deliberately stepped away from the woman.

"Nice to have met you, Doctor Villarreal."

"I don't mean to keep you. But while you're still getting settled, why don't you allow me to make you two dinner. I haven't made any friends here yet. Please, say yes. I promise a home cooked meal."

"Can we Daddy? I'm hungry."

"Why don't you two get checked into your new place and give me a call when you're ready." She pressed a data chip into his hand. We can have a nice evening and your adorable little girl and I can finish getting to know each other."

"I can't promise right now. But it's very kind of you to offer. Good night."

As they walked away, Vega asked his daughter, "What did you think of her Mari?"

Well, Skipper. I don't understand why she thought we could be friends...you know, just like that."

"Yeah, that's what I think too."

"She called me Little Butterfly. Dumb. Did you think she was pretty?"

"Yes, Mari, I thought she was very pretty."

"Daddy?"

"Yes, My Little Butterfly? He asked, accostomed to her lightening quick changes of mood."

"I've been thinking. You and I will always be semper fi. But I think I want to join the Alliance Navy."

"What? You'll break my heart."

She laughed and reached up to take his hand. "I will not break your heart! Ever!"

He thought she probably would, and many times. But this idea of hers to join the Navy was a new one. So he bravely ventured a question.

"Why the Navy?"

"I want to be a pilot."

"I don't know about that.""

"Why?"

"Sorry Mari. You can't"

"WHY? I want to be a pilot like you and Steve and JokerJeff."

"Because your feet can't touch the pedals yet! Come on, I'll race you to the top of the stairs. I'll even let you win if you sing the Marine Hymn with me."

She let go of his hand, turned and gave him a pure Commander Shepard grin. This stopped him long enough for her to get a head start and as she ran up the stairs she sang, "Stand Navy out to sea. Fight our battle cry. We'll never change our course..."

He chased her up the stairs, singing the Marine Hymn: "From the Halls of Montezuma. To the Shores of Tripoli. We fight our country's battles. In the air, on land and sea..."

He caught up to her at the top, grabbing her hand and steering her toward the elevator. "Come on, Mari. I thought we were semper fi? You're hurting my feelings."

She giggled again and began the next verse; "So vicious foes steer she-y-y!"

He sang out just as loud as she was, "First to fight for right and freedom and to keep our honor clean."

"Roll out the TNT!" She sang, laughing at her father's singing.

'We are proud to claim the title of Alliance Marine!'

"Skipper! It's Anchors aweigh. Sail on to Victory! And sink their bones to Davey Jones, hurray!"

"Okay, My Little Butterfly, you win. But only this time."

"Daddy? If you don't stop calling me Little Butterfly, I will run away and join the Blue Suns."

"I'd be sorry to see you go, _Mariposa le poco_. Can you wait just a minute before you pack your bags?"

"Why?"

"Because we are home."

He set her down and unlocked the door of their new home.

There were floor to ceiling windows which overlooked over the Commons. One bedroom was on the bottom floor and the master suite was upstairs. The second floor also had floor to ceiling windows, an office area and a workout room.

Vega whistled appreciatively as he walked slowly up the stairs. Okay, so rank did come with privileges. He yelled down the stairwell. "How's it looking down there?"

"COME SEE MY ROOM!"

He knew Tali and Liara had made some arrangements, but he didn't know the specifics. Vega found his daughter standing in the center of the room, turning around and around with a very big grin on her face and eyes wide with wonder.

The walls were painted sky blue and all around the walls were birds in flight, brightly colored butterflies and fluffy painted clouds. In one corner, was a painted tree and on the floor an area that looked like a nice grassy place to have a picnic, complete with a small table and small dishes and cups. There was a bed with a blue and green quilt and her complete collection of "The Hero's of the NR-2 Normandy" dolls were lined up against the pillows waiting for her inspection. In the opposite corner was a desk with a computer and bookshelves where her favorite books were already lined up. She had her own small bathroom and a real closet for her clothes. It was a beautiful room.

"Do you like it, Mari. What do you think of that big bed? Will you be okay down here?"

"Skipper, I'm five now!" She said, as if that explained everything.

At that moment the doorbell rang. Vega turned to his daughter. "Okay, Miss I'm five and all grown up now. First rule, you do not open this front door unless you know exactly who is on the other side. Understood?"

"Aye Skipper!"

"Do you understand it better than 'stay here on this couch until I get back?'"

"Yes, sir, she said, with a sad face."

Vega opened the door to Mercedes Villarreal with a bowl of something which smelled almost as good as she did and a bottle of wine.

She walked straight in the door, "I'm sorry! I know I'm butting in, but you're the only people I've really met here so far. I did bring a peace offering."

"Uh...Come on in, Doctor Villarreal."

"You must call me Mercedes." She said and headed straight for the kitchen.

Father and daughter exchanged identical looks as she swept past them.

* * *

(I can't live) With or With Out You

  
_See the stone set in your eyes_   
_See the thorn twist in your side_   
_I wait for you_   


_Sleight of hand and twist of fate_  
 _On a bed of nails she makes me wait_  
 _And I wait without you_  


_With or without you_  
 _With or without you_  


_Through the storm we reach the shore_  
 _You give it all but I want more_  
 _And I'm waiting for you_  


 

_With or without you_  
 _With or without you_  


  
_I can't live_   
_With or without you_   


  
_And you give yourself away_   
_And you give yourself away_   


  
_And you give_   
_And you give_   
_And you give yourself away_   


 

  
_My hands are tied_   
_My body bruised, she's got me with_   
_Nothing to win and_   
_Nothing left to lose_   


 

_And you give yourself away_

_And you give yourself away_

_And you give_

_And you give_

_And you give yourself away_

 

_With or without you_

_With or without you_

_I can't live_

_With or without you_

 

_With or without you_

_With or without you_

_I can't live_

_With or without you_

_With or without you_

  
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYw9E0bW9RE>   



	11. Helplessly Hoping

AN: Just wanted to let you know there's an adult moment toward the end of this story. It fits in with the storyline and it's not explicit, but it's there. Also, if you are not familiar with this Crosby, Stills & Nash song, please head over to you tube and have a listen. Now, on with the story.

* * *

_They are one person_

_They are two alone_

_They are three together_

_They are for each other_

* * *

The Chili Verde was gone, the bowls scraped clean. Vega and Mercedes were in the kitchen cleaning up. Vega took one look at the dirty dishes and shrugged his shoulders.

"You'll have to teach me how to use this dish washing machine. I haven't the slightest idea."

"You've never used a dishwasher?" She teased, hugging his arm and pressing her breasts against him.

"Well I know how to wash them in the sink, between living in the barracks and on the Normandy I just never had to learn."

So she showed him how to stack the dishes and run the machine. They didn't notice Mariposa is standing in the entry watching them. The little girl frowned her disapproval when Mercedes wrapped around her arms around father's waist while he stood at the sink. His body went into sensory overload as she leaned ever so slightly against his back.

"Sorry, couldn't resist."

"No need to apologize," he turned within the circle of her arms. "Just wondering, what's the hurry?"

"What I want, I generally go after."

He didn't respond, but she didn't remove her arms either.

"Not that I'm not interested. But, my daughter is in the next room."

"So does she have a bedtime? She asked, running her hands up his arms.

"She does, but..."

Mercedes stood on her toes and brushed her lips across Jame's mouth. Mariposa slipped back to the main room unseen.

"Then that's just a little taste of dessert... if you're still interested later."

James pulled her arms from around his neck. Every instinct said, put your daughter to bed and give the lady what she's asking for. While the other instincts, the ones that weren't making his skin tingle or his gut feel heavy and his heart pound told him to be careful, go slow, Mari first.

Mariposa helped make the decision for him. When he put her to bed and kissed her goodnight, she hung on to him just a little longer than usual.

"What's a matter?"

"I don't think you should..."

"What?"

"You know... Skipper, she has black eyes. I don't like them."

"Mari, you know there's been plenty of times when you couldn't be a part of adult conversations. I love you for worrying about me. But it'll be okay. Do you think you can fall asleep in here? I think I miss the sounds of the ship."

"I'll be okay."

"Good night."

"Good night, Skipper. If I get scared, I know my way up the stairs. She shot him with one of those Commander Shepard looks and flopped down on the pillow, her Garrus doll wrapped tightly in her arms.

Vega stopped at the door and looked back at the innocent little girl who could suddenly become not so innocent and very wise. Vega shook his head, "Mari? Don't worry about anything, okay" I'll say good night to Mercedes now."

"I love you."

"Love you more."

~0~

With her shoes off and her bare feet tucked under her skirt Mercedes sat on the couch. A fresh glass of wine for him sat on the table.

Adult conversation with a beautiful woman? Just a few more minutes wouldn't hurt. James pulled the bedroom door shut and maintaining a respectable distance joined her on the couch.

"Tucked in?"

"Yeah, going to sleep is not her favorite thing."

"She doesn't want to miss anything."

"A true statement," he nodded.

She smelled so good.

Vega watched her hand slip along the back of the couch until her fingers just rested on his shirt sleeve. Over the rim of her glass she watched him closely.

"I take it you don't like women who are too forward?"

"I didn't say anything of the kind. What I will say is my daughter is right behind that door. This is our first night here and I'm still wondering, what's the hurry?"

"You're quite correct, James. I should go. Early day for both of us."

He walked her to the door and for a moment she leaned into him and he let her.

She felt good... Curves in all the right places.

"Thank you for the meal and thank you for this." He said, kissing her lightly on the mouth.

And, she tasted good.

So while there was a woman in his arms, soft, willing and smelling delicious. A pair of disapproving green eyes blurred his already darkening vision. For a thirty-three year old man, celibacy was neither healthy or desirable. Black eyes or not, a real danger was growing that he was about to take her upstairs. But he'd been doing his duty for too long to allow this moment to get the better of him. So with grim determination Vega unwrapped her from around his body and gently pushed her out the door.

After locking the door, he sank back against it. Move Vega, he told himself. If Mari walked out that door now, you are in no shape to face her. Vega pushed himself off the door and headed upstairs to his old friend the shower and an empty bed.

~0~

"Come on, Skipper! It's time to take me to school!"

"You know it isn't."

"Time to fix my breakfast?"

"Come here you horrible, wicked child."

"On no, you will trap me with your arms and try to make me go back to sleep."

"Any chance of that happening?

"I'm hungry!"

"I thought you were running away to join the Blue Suns? Why are you still here?"

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

Okay, recruit. Listen up! Uniform of the day: Blue jeans, your leather boots, t-shirt and leather jacket.

"Can I wear my N7 hoodie instead?"

"Of course, now go get dressed and brush your teeth. If you need help with your hair bring me your brush. Move it recruit!"

"Aye, aye!"

With the little whirlwind off his bed, Vega got up and dressed. He flipped past the uniforms, choosing instead cargo pants and a black polo shirt. Showered, shaved and dressed he headed downstairs to his waiting daughter.

"Let's eat!"

"Ready!"

They made their way down to the café and after a pleasant breakfast, father and daughter headed out to shop for supplies.

"Mariposa, you need school clothes. So let's head over here. Then afterwards let's head over to Huerta and say hello to Mercedes."

No comment.

"You still need a physical for school. "

"Not by her."

"Let's go see if Doctor Chakwas is still around and she can do it. You're comfortable with her," he said, wondering just how far he should let this go.

They located Doctor Chakwas easily enough, when she took Mariposa into her office, Vega went for a walk.

It didn't take him long to find Doctor Villarreal. She was sitting at a computer behind the inpatient desk.

"Hey doc. How's business?" _Dios_. Had he really just said that? He was way out of practice.

"James, you came by to say hello." He decided to let her think that was the only reason.

"Come with me."

"Yes, Doctor. He grinned at her and followed obediently.

After leading him into her office she closed the door. Very plush, very comfortable and very private.

"Thanks again for supper last night."

"You're very welcome. If you'd like to thank me again - her dark eyes challenged him - just so happens I have a few minutes to spare."

"Might take more than a few minutes. But I understand, you're a busy doctor and all."

She stepped close to him now and that familiar scent enveloped him.

"Ready," she said, licking her lower lip.

Vega pulled her the rest of the way forward and tilted her head back to kiss her. She opened her mouth to give him access and her tongue played tag with his. Then her hands swept over his back and came to rest on his hips.

No, she isn't.

With quick movements she'd unbuckled his belt and shifting sideways cupped him.

"Oh, _Dios_ , yes she is..."

Then she breathed into his mouth "Is this okay?"

He could only nod.

Then when she slipped her hands inside and touched him he groaned aloud.

"Poor baby, you shouldn't go so long without."

"Been busy."

"Will you let the doctor help you?"

His mouth was saying no, but his hands were pushing her down.

Just before Major James Vega's world turned to shades of black and red, his last coherent thoughts were that he was in the hands of a professional and maybe that should mean something... When you've known someone less than twenty-four hours. And, how could she know if it'd been a long time for him? But then his body took over thinking for him and the warnings slipped from his mind.

When he forced his eyes open. He noticed he was dressed and she had slipped into the other room. When she returned it was with her clothes straightened, her hair combed and her lipstick in place.

"You still here?" she kissed him quickly on the lips and said, "Talk to you later 'k?"

While his physical body was standing in the exact spot it had been before his mind was just receiving enough blood to think again. Had she just dismissed him? Well, let's just check that out.

Placing a kiss on her cheek he asked, "So, when is later?"

Then as if she just remembered he was there, she threw her arms around his neck and said. "I'll meet you after work at that little bar on the Commons?"

"Sounds great. See you then," He kissed her again, as she was already turning away.

While a bemused James Vega headed back to the main hospital, he puzzled over the events of the last fifteen minutes. Until a call from Doctor Chakwas startled him out of his thoughts.

"James, is Mari with you?"

"No, she's with you. _Si_ "

"...Maybe you should get back over here."

He was already running, calling for a security force to meet him as he moved.

The C-Sec squad was right behind him as he entered the doctor's office. "Where is she, Karin?"

The Doctor was holding the N7 hoodie in her hands, as if, at any moment, the little girl might re-materialize in side the jacket.

"James... I walked out of the exam room for just a second... A second. When I got back she was gone and this was lying on the table." Her hands were shaking as she handed it forward.

'We have your daughter. No harm will come to her unless you try something stupid or refuse to comply with our demands. Our requirements are simple. Through your new position as head of Citadel Security you will act as our liaison to the Council. -Illusive Man'

* * *

 

Helplessly Hoping

Crosby, Stills & Nash

  
_Helplessly hoping her harlequin hovers nearby_   
_Awaiting a word_   
_Gasping at glimpses of gentle true spirit he runs_   
_Wishing he could fly_   
_Only to trip at the sound of goodbye_

  
_Wordlessly watching he waits by the window and wonders_   
_At the empty place inside_   
_Heartlessly helping himself to her bad dreams he worries_   
_Did he hear a good-bye?_   
_Or even hello?_   


  
_They are one person_   
_They are two alone_   
_They are three together_   
_They are for each other_   


  
_Stand by the stairway you'll see something certain to tell you_   
_Confusion has its cost_   
_Love isn't lying it's loose in a lady who lingers_   
_Saying she is lost_   
_And choking on hello_

  _They are one person_  
 _They are two alone_  
 _They are three together_  
 _They are for each other_  


<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0RC21L2xq8>


	12. When You Wish Upon a Star

AN: My intention here was to show respect to those of you who serve your country and suffer from PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder.) That it doesn't simply go away just because times or circumstances are better. Thank you for your service and your sacrifice. This chapter is dedicated to you.

* * *

_If your heart is in your dream_

_No request is too extreme_

_When you wish upon a star_

_As dreamers do_

* * *

 

Without moving her head, the little girl slowly opened her eyes. There were three voices in the room with her. One of those voices sounded vaguely familiar and was coming in over a Comm link. The second female voice belonged to Mercedes. The male voice was unknown to her. She was lying on a couch and wiggling her hands and feet, she discovered she was not tied up. Good. The voices spoke again.

"Doctor Villarreal, I hired you to seduce Vega and kidnap his daughter. I need you here with the girl. You've failed on both counts."

"But, the timing was perfect! I distracted Vega long enough for your operatives to take the girl."

"Not long enough. The Citadel is now in lock down and you are trapped there. I warned you not to underestimate Vega."

"But, Ms. Lawson... I have done all you asked."

"Quit the opposite, Doctor. You have outlived your usefulness."

"No!"

The people in the room began moving very quickly and Mariposa watched through slitted eyes. The man had a weapon. Then, with a flick of her hand, Mercedes knocked him across the room. He hit the wall with a crack of bones and slowly slid down to the floor like a broken doll. Mariposa squeezed her eyes shut the man was bleeding and was... Was he dead? Then a hand grabbed her arm and lifted her off the couch.

"Come on, you damn brat."

Doctor Villarreal dragged her to the large picture window and stepped out onto the ledge. Below them, several terraces of planted ledges lead down to the water park. The water glimmered at least ten levels below them.

In the main Citadel Security Office, Major Vega paced back and forth, coordinated the efforts of finding his daughter. Staying focused kept him from simply running through the Citadel and searching. He'd done everything within his power to set the rescue efforts in motion. The flickering memories of the past clouded his thinking. He shook his head. The Citadel was locked down and the docks were closed. It didn't stop him from wanting to go out and search for her. She might be hurt. His daughter needed him and he didn't even know where she was. Whoever took her would pay and the price would be extracted with his own hands.

He should have seen this coming. He should...

"What can I do?"

Vega looked up to see Zaeed Massani entering the room. He was very glad to see him. "Zaeed! He said, clasping the man's hand strongly, gripping his shoulder. Go out and be my eyes. They must be hiding by now. There's nowhere for them to go."

"On it."

"Zaeed... Dammit, I can't..."

"We'll find her, boss." The Mercenary nodded and headed out at a jog. Vega took three steps toward him. He needed to get to her. Someone had taken his daughter and she was in danger. His little girl...The memories of the past crowded in again.

~0~

"You'd better let me go, right now!" said, Mariposa.

"Shut up!" Mercedes jerked her arm, pulling her down to the next level of the planters.

Mariposa heard a sound to her left. She turned and saw Zaeed dropping down to the ledge above them. He put his fingers over his lips. She nodded slowly and turned her attention back to Mercedes. But it was too late.

"What are you looking at?"

Zaeed pointed to his knee and winked. She nodded in understanding. But she was just a little girl and she was still scared.

Then Mercedes snarled at the mercenary. "Back off or I'll push her off the ledge."

"More likely, you'll be the one to go off the side of this ledge. You mean nothing to me. This little girl means everything to me and she needs my help."

"I'm not bluffing."

"Neither am I. You will not harm her."

"Mister Z? She can do what Aunty Liara can do," Mariposa said, trying to warn him.

Before he could react, Mercedes cast a powerful biotic blast toward Zaeed. He dove for cover, but not quickly enough and the blast caught his legs, flipping him over against a glass window.

A wave of fury filled Mariposa. Ripping her arm out of the woman's grasp. She cried, "You hurt MY FRIEND!"

Jumping up, she planted both her booted feet into the side of the woman's right knee. Mercedes cried out and dropped to the ground. However, the momentum of the kick propelled Mariposa over the side of the retaining wall. She screamed as she fell. As Zaeed blacked out, he grinned at the little girl's brave actions. Then her screams brought him around and he dragged himself to his feet.

Below, a father heard his daughter's cry and ran toward the sound. As he stepped out from under the overhang, the sounds and smells of the battlefield assaulted him. What had been merely distracting him, now filled his nose and eyes with the smoke and fire. He put his hands over his ears, to block out the sound of the rhythmic death knells of the Reaper blasts. The ground shook under his feet and knocked him to his knees. His daughter's screams repeated over and over again in his head.

Men and women are dying all around him. Trying to keep his squad together to help Shepard get to the Hades Cannon. The ground shook again, he leaned up agaisnt the stair railing and covered his ears. It was deafening. The stairs were endless. He had to get to her... Get to her… Mariposa! Shepard!

The stairs were so long. He could not see where his feet were going the smoke and fire was so bad. He could only move toward where he thought his daughter was. He had to get to her. She'd fallen and she might be hurt.

He touched his chest. No armor! He reached his back: No weapons! His heart pounded in his throat. He couldn't feel his hands or feet. The cacophony of the Reaper ships knocked him to his knees again. He had to get to his daughter... He couldn't fail again. Not again. "Mariposa!" He tried to call to her, but his throat was closed. The endless stairs finally stopped and he ran around the corner of the Commons. He had to stop and cough, the smoke and fumes choked him. In front of him was a woman in a CSec uniform. She was looking up and talking to someone above her. The oddity of it helped break his spiral of thoughts.

He saw her then. A small figure amongst the plants. Vega stopped, trying to clear his head. He noticed the woman holding out her hand to him, asking him to stop. When she knew she had his attention she touched her fingers to her lips.

"Lady! Mariposa called from above. Don't forget about me!"

"I haven't, Sweetie. I'm right here. What's your name?"

"My whole name is Mariposa Angelina Vega Shepard."

"Okay. Now, stop for just a second and look where you need to put your feet. Do you see the small ledge under the ivy?"

"I see it."

"Good girl. You have a beautiful name, Mariposa."

"I know. Thank you. Mariposa means butterfly and Angelina means messenger. "

"Careful! Hold on to the edge while you step down."

"Yes, ma'am. Anyway, I don't like it when people call me little butterfly."

"I bet you don't. Okay, you're almost at the bottom."

"Can I look down now?"

"No. Just keep focusing on your hands and feet and the sound of my voice."

"What's your whole name?"

"Gillian Anderson."

"Ma'am, is that bad lady following me?"

"No, Sweetie. I just heard over my comm link that they have her in custody. She can't hurt you ever again."

"That's good. I told my Daddy she was a bad lady."

"You have good instincts. One more ledge. Don't look down. I'm right behind you and I will help you down the last little bit. Come on. You're almost home."

However, James Vega pulled his daughter into his arms as she crawled down off the last ledge. She was covered in dirt and grass stains. James had never been so glad to see anyone in his whole life. He crushed her in a hug.

"DADDY!" She wrapped her arms around her father's neck and hugged him with all her strength. She felt him shaking; she'd never seen him so upset.

"Skipper what's wrong? I'm okay. See? You're hurting me!"

"Major Vega, sir. Please let me hold on to your daughter. You're scaring her. She won't understand about the PTSD. Please, sir."

"And what the hell do you know about it?" He growled at the young woman.

"Quite a bit, sir. I was on duty five years ago when the arms closed, it went dark and the people panicked. Let me hold your daughter. Look, Mr. Massani is here now."

Her calm words broke through to him. Reluctantly, Vega handed his daughter down to the woman. She'd seen the memories of those terrors in survivor's eyes many times before. She suspected the Major was no stranger to these all too real memories. Mr. Massani stepped to his side and nodded to the woman.

"Come on, Mariposa. Let's get you cleaned up." She held out her hand to the little girl.

Mariposa took one longer look at her father and Zaeed and slipped her hand into the woman's."

"My Daddy will be okay. Right?"

"I promise, Sweetie. I promise. He just needs some time."

Behind them. Zaeed placed a comforting hand on Vega's shoulder.

"Z, it all came back... The noise... The smells... The heat of the fires."

"I feel it too sometimes. It comes in my dreams. But, she's okay, boss. She's fine and you'll be okay too."

"Yeah, yeah, man. What if...?" Vega looked up at the dome of the Citadel and tried to breath. The last vestiges of the smells and sounds left him. Zaeed felt the trembling under his hand subside.

"No what if's. That's a brave little girl you have there. I wish Shepard could have seen what she did up there."

"Tell me."

"I'll tell you about it later. He laughed, more likely she'll insist on telling you herself. Let's go see how your little soldier is doing."

* * *

 When You Wish Upon a Star

When you wish upon a star  
Makes no difference who you are  
Anything your heart desires  
Will come to you

If your heart is in your dream  
No request is too extreme  
When you wish upon a star  
As dreamers do

Fate is kind  
She brings to those who love  
The sweet fulfillment of  
Their secret longing

 

Like a bolt out of the blue  
Fate steps in and sees you through  
When you wish upon a star  
Your dreams come true

 

Fate is kind  
She brings to those who love  
The sweet fulfillment of  
Their secret longing

 

Like a bolt out of the blue  
Fate steps in and sees you through  
When you wish upon a star  
Your dreams come true

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKh6XxYbbIc


	13. Take a Pirate Stand

"Never tell me what's best for my daughter. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir. Unless…"

"Unless? I don't recall offering you the opportunity for additional comments or to question me again."

She turned and pinned him with her golden brown eyes. "That is correct sir, you did not. Unless, it's in the performance of my duty and I see she requires assistance."

"You question my fitness as her father?"

"No sir, I do not and did not. I have experience with PTSD and in my professional opinion, you required time to recover and you were frightening your daughter. She was frightened enough. It was appropriate for Mister Massani to step in and for me to remove Mariposa from the scene."

"A professional… what?"

This was ridiculous. How much longer did he intend to go on berating her for doing her job? Now he intended to insult her credentials. This was too much.

"Major Vega, I hold an MA in Psychology and BS in Forensics with a specialization in computer security."

"Well, thank you for the information, Captain."

"May I return to my duties, sir?"

"You may. Just one more thing."

She was at attention, so she didn't dare look down at him, but she could tell he was standing closer to her now. Then she felt a large warm hand take hers.

"At ease, Captain."

She ventured a look into his face and found an unexpected smile.

"Thank you, Captain Anderson. Thank you for taking such good care of my daughter."

She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

Another smile, this one reached up to his eyes and she noticed they crinkled at the corners. This was a man who liked to smile. This was a man who loved his daughter. She became aware he was lightly brushing his thumb over the knuckles of her right hand. With the other hand, he used one finger to close her lower jaw.

She smiled. He smiled, and they laughed together, enjoying the moment.

"I'm happy things turned out for the best, sir. The Illusive Man will be brought to justice. Am I dismissed?"

"Dismissed."

Major Vega was still grinning as he watched the tall, athletically built woman stride out of his office. Her thick auburn hair swinging down her back as she did an about-face. He experienced a fleeting wish that he was back on the Normandy, where things had been… well… as expected. He missed Garrus, who would be teasing him mercilessly over drinks right now for his behavior toward this young woman.

Vega grabbed his jacket and headed out into the evening. Stifling a yawn, he hit the elevator button that took him to the penthouse level. He wanted nothing more than a shower and to tuck his little girl in for the night. This had been a day where he'd gotten more questions than answers. They'd gotten nothing from Mercedes. No amount of questioning would move her. He'd had her placed on suicide watch for the night. Whoever, she was working for would not suffer her failures very long. Had she really been working for the Illusive Man? As far as anyone knew, he'd died or disappeared five years ago. Personally, he'd rather forget she ever existed. He wanted her off the station and out of his memory as soon as possible.

Doctor Chakwas met him at the door. "She's sleeping." She whispered.

He peeked in on her. She was wrapped up in blankets and he could see just the top of her head and the reflection of the blue tint of her Garrus doll's visor.

"James… If I haven't apologized enough…"

He wrapped the worried doctor in a hug. "None of us saw this coming, Karin. It worked out, we will all be fine, and we will solve the mystery. Now, out. I'll see you tomorrow."

Before bed, Vega checked in on his daughter one more time.

"Skipper?"

"Yeah? he sighed, that was one time too many."

"You could stay in here with me for a while."

"Yeah, I could do that."

He snuggled up to his daughter and wrapped her in his strong arms.

"Go back to sleep, Mari. Everything is okay now."

"Would you sing to me? Like you did when I was little."

He smiled into the darkness. "Okay, Mari. But you try to go to sleep. You've had a big day."

"Yeah, the biggest birthday ever. Sing Jolly Mon, Skipper."

His soft baritone filled the room with the song and he tightened his arms around his little butterfly.

~0~  
There is a tale that the island people tell

Don't care if it is true 'cause I love it so well.

Jolly Mon sang for his supper every night

The people fed him well 'cause he treated them so right 

~0~

Oh Jolly Mon sing

Oh make Orion ring 

~0~

And they wanted him to sing on the islands near and far

He always found his way by Orion the lucky star

He'd tell them of their joys, he'd tell them of their woes

They'd love to see him come and hate to see him go 

~0~

He was making his way home on a dark and stormy night

When he heard a cry for help, he saw a flashing light

When he reached the other boat and offered him a hand

They said, "Give us all your cargo." as they took a pirate stand 

Jolly Mon we know you – Sing your last song very well"

They tossed him in the ocean cause their hearts were made in hell

~0~

Came along a dolphin, he said, "Jolly Mon, Hello"

"I've always loved your singing – climb on board and don't let go." 

The night was filled with magic as they bid the sea goodbye

They swam into the heavens – they stayed up in the sky

And all the island people when they wish upon a star

See the dolphin and the Jolly Mon who tell them where they are! 

~0~

Oh Jolly Mon sing

Oh make the heavens ring

Oh Jolly Mon sing

Oh make the magic ring

They sang the last chorus together and finally she seemed to settle in to sleep.

"Skipper?"

"Mari?"

"Who's Ms. Lawson? Do I know her? I heard a voice today and Mercedes called her Ms Lawson."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jolly Mon, by Jimmy Buffett: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PA4OO35yFAc


	14. Soul Men

 

* * *

We're putting the band back together -Joliet 'Jake' Blues

* * *

 

Adrenaline rushed through his veins at his daughter's innocent question. "Are you sure, Mari? Are you sure you heard the name Miranda Lawson?"

"Yes, daddy. I'm sure. I promise."

"I believe you. I need you to go to sleep now. Okay?"

"I will. You're not going to leave are you?"

"No Mari. I wouldn't leave you alone. Especially not after the day we've had. But I need to make some calls. Here's Garrus. Now, close your eyes."

After kissing her forehead, he closed the door to her room behind him and headed upstairs.

What time was it on Palaven? Not that it mattered. He needed to talk to Garrus now. While he waited for Garrus to return his call, Vega keyed a message to The Shadow Broker. The fatigue of the day falling from his shoulders as he planned their next move.

Miranda Lawson might be the Illusive Man.

"Shepard, how nice to hear from you." If he'd just awakened her, she showed no sign of it. "Is Mariposa okay?"

"She's fine Liara. Listen to me. She just told me while she was with Mercedes in the apartment. She overheard her talking to a woman she referred to as Ms Lawson."

"You don't think… Well, why wouldn't she? If I could take over as The Shadow Broker she certainly could handle Cerberus."

"I have to get to her, Liara. Can you help me?

_She tried to hurt my daughter._

The rage was difficult to control. But he must stay focused.

"You have to ask? Give me some time, Shepard. As soon as I have anything I'll call you back."

He settled in to wait for her call back. Garrus would call him anytime now.

~0~

"James?"

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty!"

The human felt a familiar presence behind him. He jerked his head up as he awakened instantly. He'd fallen asleep at his desk.

"Nice place you got here. Bed no good?" The krogan inquired innocently.

"Grunt? Garrus! You're here."

Grunt laughed. "Always was the brightest tube in the array, eh Garrus?"

"How did you get here so fast… I just called you."

"Never got your call. Heard about what happened yesterday. Ran into Grunt in Vancouver. Figured you might need some assistance."

"GARRUS!"

The turian caught the little shooting star in his arms and swung her high up in the air. "Hey there, kid. How's my favorite human?"

"Garrus!" Placing her small hands on the sides of his face, she began a stream of commentary, while her father went in search of coffee.

"It was SO EXCITING! Yesterday - I got kidnapped – by Mercedes – I told the Skipper she was bad – she hurt Mister Z – So I kicked her in the knee – but I fell – FROM A REALLY HIGH PLACE – a nice lady talked to me the whole way down – her name is Gillian - and I climbed down all by myself!"

"Are you okay, now?"

"Of course, I'm okay, she said, crossing her arms over her chest in a very familiar gesture. It was so quick and took him completely by surprise. He felt emotions burning his eyes and closing his throat. All he could do was pull her close and tell himself it was simply concern for her safety.

James reentered the room with coffee and something for Garrus. "Okay, here's the plan to date. Liara is hunting down leads. Bailey is reviewing COM traffic and I've got Mercedes on complete lockdown."

"Anything out of her?"

"Nothing, Garrus. Not a thing. She failed the mission and I think someone will try to get to her. I want to keep her alive."

"You want me to go talk to her, Vega?"

"That would make things so much simpler wouldn't it, Grunt? Sometimes I really do miss the old days."

"Shepard, I spoke to Tali and she'll meet us wherever we tell her to go."

"What's my job, Skipper?"

All heads turned to the five-year-old girl perched on the couch hanging on their every word.

"Mari, you can't come with us this time. I'm sorry."

"You promised me you wouldn't leave me alone, she began, with a shake of her dark head. I've just been through a very traumatic situation and I need my support group around me."

Grunt laughed at the look her father shot back at his daughter. Then he perched her on his shoulders. "Come on little krogan, let's get you packed up."

"Yeah! A mission!"

"She's so much like her mother, it's almost painful sometimes."

"Yeah and the older she gets the more I see that in her. I'm so damn proud of her. They tried to hurt her today, Garrus. They tried to take her away from me." James swiped a hand across his face.

"James, we'll get Miranda. We'll get her and we'll stop her."

"I know. I'm ready to take her apart and I just might indulge myself."

"She's been interfering for too long. Let's go put a stop to it."

~0~

The little girl walked purposefully through the crowded hotel lobby. Neither looking left nor right, she walked past the security guard and the concierge. Since she didn't look or act lost no one questioned her. Dressed beautifully in a rich looking black lace dress, black tights and feminine shoes. A short mantilla covered her head and part of her face. She looked as if she were simply a child of one of the guests. One of only a handful of 5-star hotels on Illium, it took money and power to get a suite here. The staff knew better than to cause problems for their prestigious guests, so no one questioned her.

If they read her mind, they would have tossed her out or called security. Fortunately, they couldn't. Resisting the urge to scratch the itchy lace collar of her black dress, Mariposa turned her thoughts back to the mission. She could see the map of the hotel in her mind and followed the path her daddy laid out. She wasn't the least bit nervous, but she was glad to see Grunt watching for her at the bar. He looked very handsome in his black tuxedo. When this was over she would remember to tell him so. Just a few more minutes and her Daddy, Zaeed, and Garrus would join her.

The kitchen buzzed with supper preparations, and no one noticed her slip past the busy staff. There was the door to the disposal yard. One of the women noticed her and for a moment she thought she might have to stop. But she didn't want or intend to stop. So she ignored the woman's comments. Just a few more steps. The lock turned easily and she tapped the COM link hidden in her mantilla to give the all clear signal.

As if on cue someone finally approached her. "Hey there little girl. That's no place for someone dressed up as pretty as you to play. "Allow me to escort you back to the lobby," the chef gallantly offered her his arm.

Ignoring the offer, Mariposa squeezed some tears into her eyes. "I'm sorry! I g-g-guess I got lost. My mom is visiting the nice lady who lives on the top floor and she told me I could come down here and get some cookies. I was s-s-so bored I came down h-h-here. Can you help me?"

Although they did not know her name, everyone knew about the mysterious lady who lived in the penthouse suite. The entire kitchen went quiet.

One of the staff handed the chef a basket full of cookies and he accepted them with a grateful look. "Here's your cookies, sweetheart. I'll walk you back the elevator. How does that sound?"

"T-t-t-thank you."

Mariposa smiled prettily as the penthouse elevator doors closed. Once the lift began to move, she went into action. With the device Tali made for her she stopped the elevator car between the fourth and fifth floor. Waiting for the rest of her team she nibbled on a cookie. Halfway through her second cookie she started getting nervous again. She reached for a third, a chocolate one this time, and waited.

In just a few more moments she heard the familiar sound of Mister Z's swearing. Mariposa stepped aside and the three men dropped into the car. Once the service hatch was secured, Mari allowed the car to start up again. James laid a hand on the top of his daughter's head and winked at her.

The doors opened at the penthouse level. Mariposa felt her father's hand squeeze her shoulder. She took a deep breath and ran out of the elevator. The guard didn't know what hit him when a beautiful little girl with big green eyes suddenly appeared and burst into tears. With one eye on the doors, she moved so the guard turned back on the door. Then she renewed both the volume and amount of her tears as Garrus knocked out the guard with a swipe of taloned hand. After Garrus pulled him out of sight, binding his hands and feet and gagging him, he rejoined the group. The whole exercise took under a minute.

The elevator door chimed and they all froze. When the doors opened it was only Grunt holding an unconscious guard by the collar.

"Where can I drop this off?" The krogan inquired.

"You just had to take a souvenir, Grunt?"

"Leave it. We're running out of time. Ready to go back to work, Mariposa?"

"Ready, Skipper!"

Flanking each side of the double doors, they watched Mariposa adjust her mantilla, plaster a smile on her face, and knock on the door.

The door opened and Miranda Lawson stormed into the hallway. "What are you doing up here you little brat and why are you annoying me with your screeching?"

"Hello Ms. Lawson. Do you remember me?

"I repeat, what do you want?"

"You don't remember me? That's okay, because my daddy remembers you."

James caught her under her chin and lifted her from the floor. Backing her into the room, Garrus and Zaeed secured the room while Grunt stood guard in the hallway.

"James! Hello…," she struggled to speak, but James squeezed her throat tighter.

"Listen to me, Miranda. You tried to hurt my little girl and now I'm here to settle the score."

"You wouldn't dare hurt me."

"You bruja sucia, I already have," and he threw her down on the couch.

"You bring your gang of thugs into my home with that orphaned nobody and try to intimidate me?"

"What does she mean Skipper? I'm not an orphan."

"Of course you are!"

"Daddy?"

"Vega, shut her up or I will," warned Grunt.

"You're so stupid you fucking grunt. Do you think there was anything left of Shepard? I scraped together some DNA and created this brat. Used it for insurance…"

She stopped talking in mid-sentence because James had backhanded her hard enough to open the side of her beautiful face.

"Get my little girl out of here, Garrus. Do it now."

Once they were alone, James picked her up off the floor and threw her against the windows. He sneered into her bloody face, "Not too stupid to have her and me tested. She's the natural daughter of Commander Shepard and me and she reminds me every day that there's good in this world. For the gift of that little girl, I thank you."

"Get you and your thugs out of my home. You've made your point."

"My thugs, as you call them are very busy. Tali and Liara are draining your bank accounts and flooding the Internet with the truth about you and your organization. But the time they finish you won't be able to afford a band aid, much less the surgery to fix your face. This is a warning, the next time I see you I will kill you."

"Don't threaten me you big stupid grunt."

This time when James hit her she bounced off the windows. This time when she hit the floor, there was no movement.

James washed the blood off his hands and slowed his breathing before stepping into the hallway. They were all there waiting for him. Garrus held Mari in his arms as she cried against his neck.

"Hey, Mari. Ready to go home?"

"Y-y-yeah."

"Come here, I need a hug."

"Aye, Skipper… Daddy? I love you."

"Love you more, little butterfly."

* * *

We're Putting the Band Back Together -Joliet "Jake" Blues "The Blues Brothers"

Soul Man : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2me1whctwc

Bruja sucia: Filthy Witch


	15. Hello Ruby in the Dust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mariposa's kidnapping and Miranda Lawson's arrest is behind them. Now what?

* * *

  _Hello cowgirl in the sand_  
 _Is this place at your command_  
 _Can I stay here for a while_  
 _Can I see your sweet sweet smile_

* * *

 

The sound of his daughter's laughter brought Vega's head up and he smiled. Then Commander Bailey's voice cuts through the giggling. She would be out of school now and coming here to 'pick him up from work.' He walked her to school and she walked him home. She said it was only fair, because they watched out for each other. How could he argue with that logic? Vega logged out of his computer and gathered his things.

Grateful those two got along so well. Bailey was a genuine friend to her. She'd asked him once if she could call him grandfather. He'd blustered and stammered so hard she'd never asked him again. Bailey took her out on patrol and asked her questions about cases, taught her things and spoiled her. Bailey had also promised on her sixth birthday to teach her to shoot. Fortunately, her birthday was still several months away.

Commander Bailey entered his office with Mariposa under his arm. "Found this vagrant loitering in the halls. Want me to arrest her?"

"We should question her first. How was school today, miss?"

Upside down, with her long black braid swinging, Mariposa replied airily, "Fine. I didn't get into any fights. I stayed in my seat and I got an A on my test."

Vega shrugged his shoulders, "She sounds innocent. I guess we'll have to let release her."

Bailey swung her around and set her down on her feet. Before she could walk away, the commander gently grabbed her braid, "Now, what's this about fighting?"

"Well...When they know the teacher can't hear, some of them tease me about my Mommy. They say one of those big bug ships ate her and so I must be a Weeper - I mean a Reaper - not a human. So I punched one of them... Once."

"How many times, Mari?" Her father asked glowering at her from under his brow.

"Skipper, he kept saying it - three times - I got tired of being sent to the principal's office. So I told those kids I had biotic powers and they they me alone. But now they're afraid of me."

"Sounds like you've got the situation under control then. All right, have to get back to work. See you later, Mariposa." Raising his eyebrows at her father.

"Bye, Commander!"

Bailey missed her last comment, but Vega heard it. After two months in school she hadn't made friends with kids her own age. They either teased her or ignored her and he knew it hurt her feelings. Mariposa trusted the adults in her life. They valued her and encouraged her intellect and loved her. Vega had good memories of the kids he grew up with in San Diego. They'd swam in the ocean. Played endless games of football on the beach and basically raised as much hell as they could get away with. While his daughter was serious and composed. While he was proud of her intelligence he also wanted her to be spend time just being a kid.

"Mariposa took her father by the hand, "Let's go. 'k? I'm hungry."

"Me too. I was so busy today I didn't even have time for lunch."

Filled with diners and after work cocktail-hour customers. Apollo Cafe was so busy it took them a few minutes to find a table. When they finally settled with their food, Mariposa noticed Gillian Anderson also searching for a table.

"Ms. Anderson! You sit with us!"

Tall and athletically built, she gracefully wove her way through the tables. Vega couldn't hide the grin he felt stretching his mouth.

"Hello you two. I'd love to sit with you, Mariposa. If it's okay with your father." Color flushed her neck and cheeks. Dammit, she cursed her childish reaction. Then he stood, took her tray and set it down next to his. Avoiding him for exactly this reason he affected her this way, she reluctantly seated herself next to him. She'd kept her distance for just this reason.

"Thank you, Major. How are you doing, Mariposa? Getting settled into school?"

"Yes, ma'am. Got an A on my test today."

"Good for you." Struggling to keep her voice even. She wished he would stop smiling at her that way.

Vega watched his daughter and Gillian chat as he ate his own dinner. Until it occurred to him that she might just be avoiding him.

"Are you planning to eat, Gillian?"

He'd just said her name in that impossibly sexy voice of his and her heart skipped a beat in response. "I… of course. Just distracted, I guess."

Two months ago, she'd saved his daughter's life. Since then she hadn't been far from his thoughts. With the new job and getting his daughter settled in he hadn't had time to talk to her again. Time for a small experiment. His index finger landed on her bare forearm and he smiled again. "Yeah, me too."

Watching the two of them, Mariposa wondered why they'd stopped eating their dinner. They were just looking at each other. Her eyes were drawn to her father's hand. She she had a sudden memory of watching him touch her mother's picture exactly that way. He'd looked very sad then, but he didn't look sad now. Did her daddy like Gillian the same way, Aunty Tali and Uncle Kal like each other? As understanding dawned, she looked from Gillian to her father and made a decision.

"Skipper, I finished my dinner and I have homework… May I be excused? Daddy?"

"Did you say something, Mari?"

Crossing her arms over her chest, "I'm going swimming in the water park. 'K?"

"That's fine, Mari. See you later."

With a giggle, she grabbed her computer bag and headed to her favorite spot. Checking that no one could see her, Mariposa slipped behind the railing and headed down a narrow path toward the bottom of the water park.

About a month ago, she'd discovered this path, during one of her expeditions. The fountains were very loud here, but she loved the splashing sound they made. Although she didn't understand why, she knew this was a special place. The second time she'd come down her she'd found a piece of yellow paper. The third time, she'd found another piece of the same paper. That one was folded in the shape of a flower. She wondered how they'd survived down here without getting wet or swept away? One of them had writing on it, but it was so faded she couldn't read it. She'd carefully preserved them in the pages of her astronomy text book. Mariposa settled herself on the ledge, opened her computer and began her homework assignment.

"Gillian, I wanted to talk to you before now. But with the Miranda Lawson thing and the paperwork."

"Is Mariposa recovered? She seemed in good spirits."

"She's fine. No nightmares. We talk about it wherever and for as long as she wants to. I actually think allowing her to come with us and help did her some good."

"I agree. She's so smart and brave. Not many kids could have done what she did."

Two fingers on her arm. It was getting hard to breath. A larger than life presence with a quick smile and kind eyes. Those eyes were the first thing she noticed about him.

"You keep changing the subject." Vega leaned forward, tilting his body to gently enter her personal space. "Gillian, now that we're settled in. I want to - if you want it too - get to know you better."

He was so handsome. Lifting her eyes to his, she felt the blood rush to her cheeks again. She licked her lips nervously. His eyes widened. Four fingers on her arm now and the touch burned her skin.

"Gillian?"

"Is it time?" She asked urgently.

When she turned those hazel eyes to him, he felt his brain go numb. Of course, a marine never felt butterflies, but someone had just dumped a bucket full of something in his stomach. He managed to ask, "Time for what?" Sliding his thumb under her arm, encircling her wrist.

"To start living again?" she whispered.

"Mujer hermosa...beautiful woman. I'm game if you are."

"Don't call me that. I'm not... Maybe we should go check on Mariposa?"

"There you go again, changing the subject. Captain Anderson, will you walk with me? He asked, extending his arm.

She took his arm with a little more courage than she actually felt allowed her shoulder to bump his when she stood up. Vega led her into the gardens where they found more privacy than the noisy cafe. The gardens ran the length of the Commons. The artificial light kept the flowers blooming continuously. Once there she deliberately stepped away from him and began examining the flowers.

"This is nice. I never stop here. Always on my way to somewhere else. Always on duty."

Fine, if she felt more comfortable talking about work then they could talk about work. "Yeah, about that. I see how many hours you work. I also see you haven't taken time off in several years."

"Then this is a boss to employee conversation?"

"No, I only meant… Look Gillian, I'm five years out of practice with this kind of thing." He scrubbed his hand over his neck. "If there's one thing that hasn't changed about me is I'm a plain speaking man. So yeah, I find you very attractive and I want to get to know better. And I do want to start living again."

"Are we still talking boss to employee?"

"No! We're talking… He dug his fingers into her hair, turned her around and pressed his lips to hers. And that was probably a mistake, because now he'd gotten a taste of her. His hunger drove him to deepen the kiss. The woman in his arms smelled of fresh air and life. He wanted them both and he wanted her.

She responded by raising herself on her toes and up into his arms. It had been a very long time since she'd felt the strong arms of a man around her. Turning her head she kissed him back with all the loneliness of the last five years. Vega responded by backing her against a low wall. The scented air and the woman in his arms intoxicated him. When he felt her tongue lick his lips he forget where and who he was.

When he pressed his body against her's something stirred in his memory and clamored for attention. Greedy kisses and blond hair that slid soft and cool through his fingers. Green eyes that churned like a storm tossed ocean when she was angry or when she found her pleasure. The hair caught in his hands was auburn and the hazel eyes wide with question were not the eyes of...

"Lo..."

His hands dropped to his side. Before he could frame an apology she grabbed his arms.

"Don't you dare. You claimed you were a plain speaking man. That kiss made your desire clear."

"More than just… that. Gillian, I'm sorry."

She broke away and turned her back on him again. So much for courage. "I lost people to, James. You're the lucky one, you have a child to hold, a remembrance of the love you shared with Commander Shepard."

 _Dios_ , was he that transparent? Five years and she still haunted him. Of course she did. He saw his Lola everyday day in the eyes of his daughter.

"Tell me."

"No. I can't. It's too hard. I need to get back to work. Excuse me, sir."

"Share it with me, Gillian. Let me be... let me be something to you. A friend at least."

With the strength of will that got him through the death Commander Shepard, he stilled his pounding heart and hot blood. When he could he pulled her close with quiet gentle hands.

"Too much too soon. I know. But I want to know about you. Tell me."

She'd never really told anyone about that night. Why was she suddenly willing to tell her boss? He was more than her boss, he was the man who'd rubbed his thumb over her knuckles, warmed her with his smile and restarted her heart. But she was just as out of practice and unsure of herself.

"I was only twenty three. Just out of college and the police academy. It was one of my instructors at the academy. He followed me here and took a job with C-Sec as a trainer. We were crazy in love, but that never lasts does it?"

She didn't speak again for several minutes, but as long as she didn't pull away he would continue holding her and stroke her back.

"After… the Citadel… the Reapers... After the arms closed and everything went dark."

Under his hands, he felt her shoulders tremble and her breath hitch. He wondered if she'd ever faced this grief? If it hadn't been for Garrus, his crew and Mariposa he probably would have walked off the edge of the Normandy's loading ramp. More than one night found him standing there, his hand resting on the cold metal. Then Garrus would find him, or Steve would put a drink in his hand. Mariposa also seemed to know when he felt lost. He'd wake up to find her Normandy dolls carefully arranged around him or her small body curled against his back.

Who did Gillian have? Duty. She'd thrown herself into her job and turned away from the dark emptiness.

"… Everyone panicked. We tried to maintain order… we tried. The Reapers took everyone… I watched as they impaled him on one of those machines. I started screaming and I couldn't stop. Then I think I passed out, because someone found me. They told me that's probably what saved me. They thought I was already dead."

"I'm sorry, Chica. I'm so sorry."

"I didn't find out until they took me to the hospital. There was so much blood… they couldn't figure out where it all came from. Then they did… that's when I found out I'd been pregnant."

She'd never told that story to anyone. Standing there locked in each other's arms, sharing their strength and giving comfort. The healing began. He wiped her face with his hands and smiled.

"You have such a nice smile," she said, blinking through her tears.

"Hey, your boss noticed you're still in uniform and he's not paying you overtime. So why don't you walk home with me? I need check on Mari; make sure she really isn't swimming in the fountains."

"No… I still have work to do... Shouldn't have told you such personal information. I don't want to intrude in your life."

James grabbed her by the back of the neck and said into her ear "Too late for worrying about that. I've watched you for two months. Waiting for the right moment to talk to you. I went too fast, I know. Tell me now, Gillian. Do you want this too?"

Then she deliberately stepped away from him. Her demeanor changed back to the professional law enforcement officer. "You're my boss. This isn't right. I... I have work to do. Good night."

"Wait, Gillian." But she was already gone, as he listened to the quick tattoo of her boots on the stairs above.

Damn it. He'd really blown it with her. He'd meant to go slow and get to know her. The horrors she'd witnessed, matched the nightmare he'd seen on earth. His instincts assured him they had something to offer each other. He wanted more than friendship, of course. She needed to learn to trust him and he knew he needed to remember how to forget and move on. Forget? How would that work when he'd just kissed the most beautiful woman he'd seen in years and memories of Shepard surfaced. Vega straightened his uniform and headed to the apartment. He needed to see his daughter and realign his world, for little Mariposa was certainly its center.

A month went by and then another. Work kept him busy and the current investigation into Red Sand sales turned his focus away from thoughts of Gillian Anderson. He went to the gym, he went to work and he raised his daughter. Their circle of friends widened from his crew to coworkers and people he and his daughter met on the Citadel. He never lacked for invitations or offers of companionship. Because it was part of his job, he attended the occasional party or reception. He never responded to the overtures of the women and even a few men who offered to relieve him of his lonely nights and single status. He reminded himself his life was full enough. He believed it and so it was.

With a glass of beer in his hand Vega stood by the windows staring out at the Citadel lights. Even Garrus had moved on. They were still close, but the turian spent most of his evenings with a beautiful turian woman he'd met at their embassy. Doctor Chakwas and Zaeed spent their free time with each other. His daughter informed him, with a conspiratorial grin, they were living together now. Joker and EDI lived on earth, working for the war relief efforts. Joker's legendary piloting skills were in demand and word had it that he'd ship out soon. So he and Bailey would continue on as old bachelors together, drinking, telling lies and reassuring themselves they were better off without the entanglements of women in their lives.

Vega rested his forehead against the cold glass. Behind him, Mariposa walked up.

"Don't be sad, Daddy." Mariposa tucked her hand into his.

Setting the glass down he pulled his daughter up into his arms. "I'm not sad, Mari. Really."

Mariposa placed her small hands on either side of his face and gave him one of her small knowing frowns. Then she wrapped her arms around his neck, rested her head on top of his and sang "Jolly Mon" as they stared out at the false darkness of The Citadel's night cycle.

~0~

Major Vega and Commander Bailey nodded in agreement. The evidence was substantial and conclusive. After three months of investigations they'd finally tracked down the source of the Red Sand. One of the many changes Vega managed to push through was regulating Red Sand to official or medicinal use only. But that wasn't enough, because the human market for the drug still existed. And there were more humans on The Citadel than ever before. Vega was not naive. He knew there would always be drug traffic on one sort or another here. Doctor Chakwas alerted him to the growing number of addicts and overdose emergencies appearing at Heurta. Time for a show of force, by shutting down a source or two.

The trail ended at an empty storefront in the lower wards. "Your squad ready, Bailey?"

"Just waiting for the word, Major."

As they turned to head out, they both stopped at the sight of Garrus Vakarian's entry into the office.

"Garrus? What are you doing here?"

"You didn't think I'd let you do this raid on your own did you? Heard you had an opening. Not exactly what I'm used to, but I could make a concession or two."

All Vega could do was stare at his friend. So happy to see him, he almost embarrassed them both by hugging the turian. Garrus at his side again? For a moment, Vega closed his eyes and sucked in a lung full of air.

"By following the rules this time?"

Bailey's comment broke the tension by making them all laugh and together they headed out into the Citadel's main area.

* * *

 

Cowgirl In The Sand

  
_Hello cowgirl in the sand_   
_Is this place_   
_at your command_   
_Can I stay here_   
_for a while_   
_Can I see your_   
_sweet sweet smile_   


  
_Old enough now_   
_to change your name_   
_When so many love you_   
_is it the same?_   


  
_It's the woman in you_   
_that makes you want_   
_to play this game._   


  
_Hello ruby in the dust_   
_Has your band_   
_begun to rust_   


  
_After all_   
_the sin we've had_   
_I was hopin' that_   
_we'd turn bad_   
_Old enough now_   
_to change your name_   


  
_When so many love you_   
_is it the same_   
_It's the woman in you_   
_that makes you want_   
_to play this game._   


  
_Hello woman of my dreams_   
_This is not_   
_the way it seems_   
_Purple words_   
_on a grey background_   
_To be a woman_   
_and to be turned down_   
_Old enough now_   
_to change your name_   
_When so many love you_   
_is it the same_   
_It's the woman in you_   
_that makes you want_   
_to play this game._   


<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zphUt_tp898>

_Mujer Hermosa_ : Beautiful Woman


	16. Tomorrow's Rain Will Wash the Stains Away

* * *

_If blood will flow when flesh and steel are one_  
 _Drying in the color of the evening sun_  
 _Tomorrow's rain will wash the stains away_  
 _But something in our minds will always stay_  
 _Perhaps this final act was meant_  
 _To clinch a lifetime's argument_  
 _That nothing comes from violence and nothing ever could_  


_For all those born beneath an angry star_   
_Lest we forget how fragile we are_   


-Sting

* * *

While Garrus took position with his sniper rifle, Lieutenant Colonel Vega began a leisurely stroll through the lower ward marketplace. Two of the merchants inquired about his daughter. The batarian threw up his hand in the LC's general direction and turned back to his customer. A quarian in a suit he'd never seen before nodding politely. A volus quickly swept something off the counter as he strolled passed. The Citadel's Security Director smiled and nodded. Everyone from the merchants to the shoppers knew who he was. It was his job to make sure they knew. And he came down here often enough so no suspicion is raised by his presence this morning.

Stopping for a moment to purchase a new drawing tablet and pencils for his daughter, Vega took a moment to study the empty kiosk. No footprints in the dust. The door hasn't been tampered with. The dust on the counter tops is undisturbed.

"Think that store will ever open again?"

The vorcha handed Vega his package allowing his nails to gently scratch across Vega's hand. "Do not know. Do not care. Could care about lovely human."

While Vega managed not to snatch his hand back, he couldn't control the look on his face. Fortunately, the vorcha didn't seem to notice.

"Busy lovely human?"

"Uh... yeah. Busy. Always working. You know how it is."

"Humans work too much. Time to take a break. Fun times?"

"Better get back to work."

"Maybe next time? This vorcha loves human men, So strong. So tasty."

"Vega, we located the warehouse. Cute vorcha, eh? I understand they're possessive of their play toys. We're going in. In 3, 2, 1"

Behind the lower ward marketplace, two of Bailey's team hacked open a hidden doorway. Behind the door a hallway leading to a large room located off the warehouse. Two C-Sec men took point and Bailey followed the team down the dark hallway.

They followed the smell of chemicals and the rank odor of cooking Red Sand. It wasn't long before they located the lab and the perps. So stoned they didn't put up much of a fight. But one did and Bailey gave chase. "On our way to you with a perp unwisely resisting arrest."

"I wonder if you could hold this package for me. Just for a few moments?" Vega slid the package across the desk with a grin. The vorcha smiled back, "Yeeeeeessss. Happy to."

"Thanks amigo. What time to you get off work?"

Vega pulled his weapon and took position. He didn't have long to wait. The entire market place turned at the sound of weapons fire. Then the door of the unused kiosk banged open. Bailey and his men charged through in pursuit of a human man. The man fired back at them, but the C-Sec guards kept him so busy ducking for cover he had no time to take accurate aim.

Vega spoke quietly. "He's all yours Garrus. Try not to kill him."

Before he finished the sentence the man froze looking down in surprise at the blood and bits of bone spurting out of his right leg. Then he went down screaming as his leg gave way and he slipped in his own blood.

_"Different boss, same damn restrictions."_

"Stow it, Garrus. Nice work though."

Vega retrieved the package from the now silent vorcha and moved to join the team. Bailey placed a hand on his arm to stop him and gain his attention. "The room is clear, sir. You need to get back there. I'll say it plain, sir. Gillian was there with them. Go on. Medics are on the way." Bailey indicated to one of the men to go with Colonel Vega.

The young man had to run to keep up with the Colonel. The C-Sec agent tried to direct Vega, but he'd already seen the crumpled heap of Gillian Anderson. A flashlight illuminated the woman on the floor and Vega almost turned away.

Dressed in only a bra and panties, she looked as if she hadn't bathed in a while. She smelled of vomit and the smell of Red Sand permeated the air. Matted auburn hair lay in a dirty mess around her head. Her eyes stared sightless at the ceiling. The true nature of the weight loss he'd only glimpsed and her evasiveness becoming tragically obvious.

"Gillian." Over his shoulder he shouted, "Get those medics in here now, Mister. And I mean now."

"Yes sir!"

Vega took her hand, "Gillian, can you hear me?"

Her fingers closed around his hand and her eyes blinked. When he squeezed her hand again and called her name she was able to focus her eyes.

"James? Is that you?"

Vega didn't trust himself to speak, because a rage was building inside him that he wasn't sure he could control. If he started talking he would start shouting and she didn't need that now. If he gave in to this emotion he would begin to tear this place apart until he'd found all the drugs on the Citadel and spaced every single drug dealer. Fortunately, the medical staff saved him from making that decision too quickly.

Doctor Chakwas was by his side and pulling him away from the sight of Gillian's limp body loading on the anti-grav stretcher.

"James, listen. This may not be as bad as it seems."

"How is that possible, Karin?"

I see this at the clinic every day. The dealers get the victims hooked slowly. Often before they're even aware of what's happening until it's too late. Once I get her to Huerta I can assess the level of addiction and begin detox treatment. "

"I swear, Karin. I'll remove every drug and every pusher on the Citadel. If we have to strip search the crew and passengers and rip out the bulkheads of every ship that docks here. This will end today." His savage words alarmed Karin and she tried to reassure him. He shook her off. She hadn't seen him this angry in a long time. Not since Shepard's death.

"And I'll help you do it. But right now, I need to get to Gillian. Give me a couple of hours to get her cleaned up and..."

"Bullshit. I'm right behind you. Let's go."

Then Garrus is by his side and exchanges a look with the Doctor. "Hey, James. I see you bought Mari something. She's home from school by now, let's go see her."

"I don't need a babysitter, Garrus! I'm going to Gillian. She needs me."

"Gillian is in good hands. But your daughter is coming home to an empty house. I recall you promised her once it would never happen." Then he played his ace, "A child walking home alone and entering an empty apartment is exactly what these drug dealers watch for."

Two hours later, Garrus and James entered Huerta Memorial Hospital.


	17. Southern Cross

* * *

_'Cause the truth you might be runnin' from_  


_Is so small._  


_But it's as big as the promise_  


_The promise of a comin' day._  


* * *

Although, everyone watched the Colonel and his turian friend stride quickly through the hospital lobby, no one dared question them. The gossip mill was in high gear over what happened down in the lower ward marketplace. The official word hadn't been released. But the word on the street was Colonel Vega intended to crack down on smuggling. This news had the folks it would directly affect working very quickly to cover tracks and tie up loose ends. Perfectly aware of the growing situation, Vega intended to let them sweat a while longer. Besides, there were personal things to take care of first.

Someone must have let Doctor Chakwas know about their presence, because she met them at the entrance to the inpatient area. "This way, Colonel."

James hurried them to the room only to find the door closed. Karin stuck her head in Gillian's room. "It'll be just a minute more. They're still bathing her."

"I want to talk to you two anyway. Karin, I meant what I said earlier. This drug trafficking will stop and I don't care what I have to do to make it happen. I'm raising a child..." James scrubbed a hand over his neck and looked thoughtfully out the window. "So, I want to know if you two will work with me on this?"

"You have to ask?"

"Yeah man, I have to ask. 'Cause, I thought you had someone back on Palaven."

"I contacted her yesterday and she's on her way here. I intend to stay here, because Shepard's crew...Your crew. We were always better together than apart." Garrus put his hand out and James took it. "Whatever you need, James. Let's get this place cleaned up."

At James' grin, Garrus shrugged his shoulders, "Always loved a good cause. You know that."

Doctor Chakwas placed her hand on top of theirs. "We'll do good work together. Look, James. They're finished with her. Go ahead in. I'll get an update and join you shortly."

James entered the room. His heart hammering against his rib cage. She lay there so thin and pale staring out the window. He couldn't be sure she'd heard him come in.

"Gillian?"

Then she turned those golden brown eyes on him and he was at her side before he made the conscious decision to move his feet.

Words churned in his brain, but nothing came out of his mouth. Should he comfort her? What did she need from him? He laced his fingers with hers and realized that he'd willingly give her all that he had." When had he begun to feel that way about her? Finally, he managed to swallow past the emotions. Still didn't speak simply bent down and kissed her cheek. Her arms went around his neck and held on.

"I was so scared."

"You're safe now, mi chica. Safe. I swear. I won't let you down this time."

James sat down on the side of the bed and held on to her. Smoothing her freshly washed hair back from her face.

"No, I let you down and myself. I was just so sad..."

"Yeah, we don't have to talk about this now," he said quickly. But he did want to talk about it. He wanted it out in the open. He wanted to know what happened to this beautiful woman. What drove her to seek refuge in drugs? This woman he realized he had no intention of allowing too far from his embrace. And how strange that felt.

Under the smell of hospital soap and starchy gown and sheets he sensed her unique perfume. And knew if he wasn't so worried about her he'd be aroused. His heart thumped hard against his throat at the thought of making love to her. Exploring her golden skin and tasting its spicy peach scent. Hearing her cry out. Was it possible?

James remembered the taste her mouth and wanted to kiss her again so badly he almost gave in to the desire. Instead, he managed a few more appropriate words.

"What made you sad?"

They were startled apart by sound of the door opening. His daughter ran into the room with two med techs and Karin Chakwas behind her. Mariposa didn't stop moving until she'd climbed past her stunned father and straddled Gillian's legs. The five year old studied the woman's face closely.

The burly med techs closed in on her. "Come on little girl. Time to go. You're not allowed in here."

Mariposa crossed her arms over her chest and glared back at the two men. "Do you know who I am?

"A little girl who's breaking the rules. Now let's go."

Doctor Chakwas said just the right thing to diffuse the situation. "I'm sorry, Colonel Vega. She must have heard about what happened on the intranet."

"It's okay, Doctor." He turned his attention to the two technicians. "And it's okay with you two, isn't it?"

"Y-y-yes...Yes, sir. Colonel Vega, sir." They started backing out of the room as they realized just who was speaking to them.

With the door closed the room grew quiet again. While he tried to decide how to handle what just happened, father and daughter held a staring contest. When he saw a flicker of doubt cross her eyes, he went for it. "Child of mine, just as soon as we get home you will go to your room and write an essay on how many ways your behavior here was unacceptable."

"Yes, sir..." As hard as she tried to stop it from happening her lips still trembled. "I w-w-was just worried about Gillian." More scared of losing her new friend than worried. Mariposa was afraid Gillian might not have anyone around to help her. So Mariposa came herself to make sure she was okay. A tear slid down her cheek and she tried to wipe it away before anyone noticed. But James noticed and when her father opened his arms she flew into them.

Gillian reached out and rubbed Mariposa's back. "I'm perfectly fine, Mari. Thank you for being so concerned about me. Sweety? Why don't you take your Daddy home and you two have some dinner together."

Mariposa raised her head from her father's shoulder. Her keen mind at work again and eyes wide with possibilities. "And I'll cook!"

Before he followed his daughter out the door, Vega laid his hand on Gilligan's cheek. "Mañana, chica. We will talk.

~o~

As early as he could get away from his office James headed to the hospital with a bouquet of red roses. Before he went to Gillian, James located Doctor Chakwas. She grabbed a chart and escorted the Colonel into her office.

"The Red Sand addiction was minimal. She hadn't been sleeping, so she took to staying out late. Wandering, she called it. One night while she was up dancing someone slipped something in her drink. She says she lost three days. When we examined her last night she was very upset to learn three days had gone by. You'll find out more when you talk to her. She'll be fine. The drugs are out of her system and she's eating and drinking.

Karin got up to walk James out. Then she stopped him with her hand on the door.

"James?"

"Sí, Karin?"

"We found no evidence of physical harm. I thought you might want to know. And James, she needs a friend."

James kissed her impulsively on the cheek. "I'll be that to her and more if she'll let me."

"You're a good man, James."

"Aw, stop that. You'll make me blush."

The techs had just served breakfast when James entered the room. For a moment he watched Gillian struggled with the juice box. While he watched her, a fierce sense of protectiveness caught him by surprise. For the second time in twenty-fours hours he wondered if this were possible.

"Hey, let me do that." Thankful for a task that gave his hands something to do. Otherwise he intended to touch her and then he might not want to stop and well, this was a hospital and he wasn't a teenager anymore.

"Good morning, Colonel."

Now why'd she have to get all formal now? "What did you call me?" He asked, pushing the tray table away and sitting down next to her.

"You're my boss, remember? For..."

Vega shoved his hands into her hair. The strands slid thick and warm over his fingers. The pulse point on her neck leapt against his palm.

"For all I know you might be here to..."

Vega kissed her because there was simply nothing else he could do. But she was still talking.

"...arrest me."

He pushed her back against the pillows and deepened the kiss. Gillian's fingers slipped inside his the collar of his uniform and tugged him closer. And how long had it been since someone had pulled him close and asked for more? When the answer surfaced he pushed it away. The fact that he could push it away startled him so badly that he broke the kiss. When he tried to pull away Gillian stopped him. Holding his head still where it rested, his forehead on her shoulder.

"James, let me say those things I think you want to hear... need to hear from me. I got into trouble, because I lost my way. When I asked you if we could start living again, I realized I had no idea how to do that. It scared me. Until you and Mariposa entered my life there was only work and coping with a sadness so deep it finally overwhelmed me. I'm okay. I promise. I know where to search for my answers now."

"And maybe, Mari and I can be a part of that answer? If that's what you...?"

She turned her lips against the stubble on his cheek (In such a hurry to get to her side this morning, he'd forgotten to shave.) "Yes please, James. I want that very much."

Doctor Chakwas found them that way, resting quietly against each other. With a happiness so strong it brought tears to her eyes, she silently backed out and closed the door. Back in her office she found Zaeed waiting for her.

"Hey there. I thought it was understood I'm the only one who can but a smile that big on your face."

"It's James and Gillian. They've worked things out."

"That is good news. Now, come here woman. I need a proper good morning snog."

* * *

 

The Southern Cross

Crosby, Stils and Nash

_Got out of town on a boat_

_Goin' to the Southern islands._

_Sailing a reach_

_Before a followin' sea._

_She was makin' for the trades_

_On the outside,_

_And the downhill run_

_To Papeete._

 

_Off the wind on this heading_

_Lie the Marquesas._

_We got eighty feet of waterline._

_Nicely making way._

_In a noisy bar inAvalon_

_I tried to call you._

_But on a midnight watch I realized_

_Why twice you ran away._

 

_Think about how many times_

_I have fallen_

_Spirits are using me_

_larger voices callin'._

_What heaven brought you and me_

_Cannot be forgotten._

 

_I have been around the world,_

_Lookin' for that woman/girl,_

_Who knows love can endure._

_And you know it will._

_And you know it will._

 

_When you see the Southern Cross_

_For the first time_

_You understand now_

_Why you came this way_

_'Cause the truth you might be runnin' from_

_Is so small._

_But it's as big as the promise_

_The promise of a comin' day._

 

_So I'm sailing for tomorrow_

_My dreams are a dyin'._

_And my love is an anchor tied to you_

_Tied with a silver chain._

_I have my ship_

_And all her flags are a flyin'_

_She is all that I have left_

_And music is her name._

 

_Think about how many times_

_I have fallen_

_Spirits are using me_

_larger voices callin'._

_What heaven brought you and me_

_Cannot be forgotten._

_I have been around the world,_

_Lookin' for that woman/girl,_

_Who knows love can endure._

_And you know it will._

_And you know it will._

 

_So we cheated and we lied_

_And we tested_

_And we never failed to fail_

_It was the easiest thing to do._

_You will survive being bested._

_Somebody fine_

_Will come along_

_Make me forget about loving you._

_At the Southern Cross._

 

_<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iuLBhxZUkmU> _


	18. Sweet Surrender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adult stuff. Ah, sweet surrender!

* * *

_I could stay awake just to hear you breathing_  
 _Watch you smile while you are sleeping_  
 _While you're far away and dreaming_  
 _I could spend my life in this sweet surrender_  
 _I could stay lost in this moment forever_  
 __Where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure_ _

* * *

"Can I help with the dishes, Gillian?"

Gillian turned to James' daughter with their dinner plates in her hands. "You sure can. Come on."

Mariposa carefully gathered the silverware from the table and followed Gillian into the kitchen. They'd had a green salad full of fresh vegetables and James grilled ears of corn and burgers. They'd just finished brownies and vanilla ice cream for dessert.

Relaxed on the couch with his hands resting on a full stomach, James closed his eyes and listened to the unaccustomed but satisfying sound of woman's voices. Picking through his memories, the last time James could remember feeling this full and content was an Easter Sunday dinner with his family. He and his cousin managed to behave themselves long enough during Mass to get permission to play their favorite game after dinner.

With the adults talking in the kitchen, Jimmy and his cousin sat cross-legged on the floor playing at being heroes and battling evil aliens. A very popular game, but the last chapter left the fans angry and sad at the unrealistic death of the main character. In an effort to "fix" the stupid ending his cousin had modded the game, then passed it out to all their friends. Now when they played through the final chapter the captain emerged from the big battle alive and victorious. His cousin's computer abilities amazed him. He was more a kick it till it works or surrenders kind of guy.

"Skipper? Skipper? Are we going to watch my movie or not?" His daughter was tapping his hand, trying to get his attention. He opened one eye.

"Daddy, Gilly can't stay here all night. She has to go home and get her rest. Karin said so."

"Is everything ready, boot?"

"Yes, sir! The Galley is squared away and my homework is finished."

"Where's Gillian?"

Gillian walked in at that moment and sat down next to him. "Present and accounted for, sir!"

James pulled her to his side with his arm around her shoulders. "Boot, how about you put those school books in your room and then we'll watch your movie."

When Mariposa disappeared into her room. James nuzzled Gillian's cheek with his nose. "But first I need to say thank you to this wonderful woman." Gillian cooperated fully by holding her mouth up to his, with her hand firmly on the color of his shirt to hold him in place.

The weeks that had passed since her drug overdose were a time of exploration for Gillian. Some of her answers were right there inside her. And some of them were in the arms of this wonderful man. Although they hadn't done anything more than what they were doing now there was a certainty between them. A confidant acknowledgment about a future.

With the help of Garrus and Karin, and the resources at this disposal they'd began a support group for veterans and their families. Garrus, Zaeed and Bailey were helping him evolve and develop Citadel law enforcement. The drug dealers and the smugglers were discovering their business was no longer welcome. The Citadel had changed in the same way they all had changed since the war. It was time for new policies and regulations. James was gratified that he'd received very little push back from the so-called Citadel races. It was time to move on from the war. They were rebuilding and they were living.

Gillian's restless sigh gave him some serious ideas about getting a little more adventurous with his hands. Perhaps he would pull her up so she could straddle his lap. Yes, and then he would have access to...

"Skipper, please remember there is a child in this house," his daughter commented imperiously, from her bedroom doorway.

James groaned, dropped his hands to his sides and laid his head back on the couch in resignation. With his eyes closed he floated in the euphoric world somewhere between contentment and happiness. With just enough anticipation to keep him light headed. He wasn't really paying much attention to what Mariposa asked Gillian about something she held in her hands.

"It's beautiful, Mari. Where did you find it?"

"I have this secret place down by the water park. I found this one and another one. They look old. There's writing on them, but I can't read it. Can you?"

Carefully unfolding the fragile yellow paper, Gillian held the faded writing closer to the light. "I think it says, 'From Apollo's healing terrace to Poseidon's watery lair. Courage is the traveler's only fare.' What a strange thing."

Between the words courage and traveler, James levitated off the couch. Now he nearly swayed on his feet. "Where did you get that!" James demanded.

"I found it down by the water park. I don't go near the water, but there's nice place where I like to sit and read or do my homework. Skipper, are you getting sick?"

"James what's wrong?"

He tried to hide the avalanche of emotions, but his eyes filled with burning moisture and his hands shook as he carefully removed the origami tulip from Gillian's hands. The memories took him and sent him back to that moment when he'd met Shepard down by the water park. The asari dress, the delightful and wanton sex. Running like children to escape discovery. James turned his back on the girls and went to stand by the windows. He pounded his fist against the glass to try and take control.

How could he imagine a future with Gillian if the memories could still have this effect on him? The answer was he couldn't. It wouldn't be fair to any of them. He'd helped Gillian with her problems without realizing he still had is own to deal with. The agony of the double loss grew like a cancer tumor in his chest.

His voice came out like a groan of pain, "Gillian...you should go home now. I'll...I'll call you..."

Gillian stood behind him and spoke with certainty. "I will not leave you. I understand what this is now. What it represents. James, you've never left her grave, have you? Never set her body down."

"She gave me two gifts the Normandy and Mariposa. I took care of them for her."

"James, I'm going to hold Mariposa on my lap, while you tell us about Commander Shepard. Because I don't think you've ever told anyone."

"No, she can't hear this. She can't see me like this."

"But she is seeing you and she isn't scared, she's only concerned for you." Gillian sat down on the couch and pulled a confused Mariposa to her lap.

"We're ready," she said simply as if it were just that easy.

Well, if she were brave enough to hear it then he was brave enough to say it. "She... Commander Shepard...was like a beacon of light and you wanted it to shine on you. You knew you'd follow it anywhere and we did. Impossible situations. Incredible danger. She was uncompromisingly brave and selfless. We all loved her...You couldn't help but love her. She picked me. My Lola picked the lowest ranking officer on her ship. The one who would rather drink too much or fight or play cards all night. The one whose hands were always dirty with machine oil. She picked me.

But I couldn't keep her safe, I couldn't keep her alive. She trusted me with so much, but I failed her. We didn't know exactly what happened, but suddenly there was nothing but the smell of death and the sounds of screaming. A shock after the sounds of battle. And no one was looking for Shepard. But we did and Anderson kept ordering us to the base...I just threw the radio down. It seems like we searched for hours. We finally found her. I saw her red strip from her armor and that N7 insignia. Finally we found her. The was so much blood in her blond hair. She had no right to be alive."

"She was waiting for you."

"Yeah.. I picked her up in my arms, she was so light. Tried to keep her alive. But dios, she was so broken and the burns...I think you're right, she was just waiting for us to find her. She told me that she loved me. No one had ever said that to me before...so much left to say. Then I watched that light fade from her eyes. She'd given me so much and I couldn't even keep her alive long enough for the medics to save her. And Garrus...I can still hear his cry of grief.

And just like that the war was over. We'd won. Shepard had done it. We stood up and we looked around and asked ourselves what do we do now? She was the only one who didn't get to savor the victory and she was the one who most deserved it."

James scrubbed his face with his hands and breathed in a lung full of air. For several minutes he watched as the Citadel turned down its lights. James was a silhouette against the windows by the time he finished talking.

"Daddy, I have questions."

"I know you do, Mari. But I can't answer them now. But someday very soon I will. I promise."

"Okay. Daddy, I think I want to go to bed now. I have a lot to think about."

After watching her brush her teeth and climb into bed, James sat down beside her. "I love you, my wonderful little butterfly."

"I love you more, Daddy."

"Thank you for listening to me out there, Mari. That took courage."

Mariposa wrapped her arms around her worn and well-loved Garrus doll and shut her eyes. "That's what people who love each other do for each other. You should probably go now. Gilly is waiting for you. And Skipper? Don't mess it up this time."

When James entered the dark living room Gillian was no where around. Then he noticed a light upstairs in his bedroom. Was he ready for this, he wondered. Emotionally hollowed out after confiding in his girls. His girls? Yes, he liked the sound of that. His feet carried him up the stairs. His heart light and beating strong in his chest. Breath filling his lungs.

And there she stood in one of his white dress uniform shirts and he could see, swallowing in a dry throat, nothing else.

Gillian was so deep in thought, she didn't hear James coming up the stairs. Listening to his story, her heart went out to him. Didn't he see his own ability and courage? The things he'd described about Shepard, didn't he realize that she must have recognized the same in him? He'd done so much, helped keep the peace, raised a daughter and kept that odd mixture of crew together. Taken those gifts from Shepard and shed his own light on them. He'd walked through his own kind of hell and come out the other side. Done good things and together they would do more good work. And she sensed in him a man who didn't require accolades or medals, but a home and someone to share it with. She was ready to give that to him.

"James, I read those reports. She was broken, literally to pieces. Not even Miranda Lawson could save her… but she did save Mariposa. Shepard wouldn't have wanted you to live in the shadow of her memory. She'd want you to live."

"Gillian. Beautiful Gillian. Please come here and show me how. Come here and don't let me screw this up..."

In two steps she was in his arms and he caught her and kissed her lips. It took him a long moment to understand that he could love her now. That it was okay.

Her hands moved over his chest and she caught his collar and pulled him down to her. Their lips met again and she didn't hold back. He swallowed her groan of need. Her hands twisted in the fabric of his shirt.

But still he hesitated, until his hands took over and touched the skin under the hem of his shirt and she shivered. Then his finger tips traced the line of her hips up to her waist and she arched her body toward him. When Gillian sucked on his lip he pushed his hips into hers with a force that landed them both on the bed.

The shirt rode up and his hand curled over the apex of her legs. Soft curls. So soft. One finger, slipped down into her...Then two fingers. She was wet and hot and it was for him... finally. There was no stopping what he'd started with his fingers . So before he even took his clothes off she moaned his name as he pushed her to climax with his fingers and mouth. There were no words to describe the taste of her on his lips. No way to describe the sound of her orgasm or how she whispered his name.

Then his clothes were gone and he settled himself over her body. Gillian pulled him down for another kiss. After he'd kissed her thoroughly, he bent his head to explore her neck and her ticklish ears and that pulse point under her earlobe. And when he felt her breasts against his cheek, he turned his head to discover they tasted as sweet as he'd imagined.

Gillian rose up holding his head to her chest and begging him not to stop. Even when he forgot himself and sank his teeth into the tender flesh the pain was exquisite. James raised his head when she cried out.

She watched him watching her and slowly opened her legs in invitation. He felt like a damn school boy. But those golden eyes were asking him for something he could give. So when she gave herself to him and he entered her for the first time James felt himself falling. But it was okay. He was home and this, at long last, could be his. They both began to move. He knew it would mean the end of him. And when it came she held him close. Whispering in his ear, as he shattered, spilling his seed into her.

The way he'd said her name filled her with a sense of belonging to someone and it felt right. When he moved from her and she rolled toward him. James turned her and spooned against her and wrapping his arms around her and fell immediately asleep. Which gave her something to tease him about for years to come.

* * *

  
_I could stay awake just to hear you breathing_   
_Watch you smile while you are sleeping_   
_While you're far away and dreaming_   
_I could spend my life in this sweet surrender_   
_I could stay lost in this moment forever_   
_Where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure_   


  
_Don't want to close my eyes_   
_I don't want to fall asleep_   
_Cause I'd miss you babe_   
_And I don't want to miss a thing_   
_Cause even when I dream of you_   
_The sweetest dream will never do_   
_I'd still miss you babe_   
_And I don't want to miss a thing_   


_Lying close to you feeling your heart beating_

 

  
_And I'm wondering what you're dreaming_   
_Wondering if it's me you're seeing_   
_Then I kiss your eyes_   
_And thank God we're together_   
_I just want to stay with you in this moment forever_   
_Forever and everI don't want to close my eyes_   


 

  
_I don't want to fall asleep_   
_Cause I'd miss you babe_   
_And I don't want to miss a thing_   
_Cause even when I dream of you_   
_The sweetest dream will never do_   
_I'd still miss you babe_   
_And I don't want to miss a thing_   


 

_I don't want to miss one smile_

  
_I don't want to miss one kiss_   
_I just want to be with you_   
_Right here with you, just like this_   
_I just want to hold you close_   
_Feel your heart so close to mine_   
_And just stay here in this moment_   
_For all the rest of time_   


 

  
_I don't want to close my eyes_   
_I don't want to fall asleep_   
_Cause I'd miss you babe_   
_And I don't want to miss a thing_   
_Cause even when I dream of you_   
_The sweetest dream will never do_   
_I'd still miss you babe_   
_And I don't want to miss a thing_   


Don't Want to Miss a Thing, Aerosmith <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oR68oAtWY-c>  



	19. Sweet Surprises

Gillian stopped pacing from room to room long enough to push the longs strands of hair out of her face and retie her pony tail. The mental checklist needed reviewing: Bed sheets changed, kitchen shining, bathrooms spotless, Mariposa's is room neat and clean. Homework done. The last two items on her list where still an unknown. Terrified or elated? Which was it? She had no idea. The closets!

On her second lap through the kitchen Mariposa tried to tempt her with a cup of tea. Seated at the breakfast bar, Mariposa had pour two cups of tea with a small plate of cookies. "Gilly, you should sit down. Please?"

"I can't, Mari. I have to keep moving."

"Why?"

Gillian rounded on the six-year-old, "Don't question me! You can't be in charge of everything! When are you going to realize that?" The small gasp echoed across the kitchen and effectively pulled her attention to the widening green eyes of James Vega's daughter.

"Oh, Mari. I'm so sorry. Please come here." Gillian looked for a place to sit down and promptly burst into tears.

Mariposa jumped off the bar stool and rushed to Gillian's side. Pretty sure she hadn't actually done anything wrong. Not that she didn't have her moments. But there was nothing in her current behavior that could have made her Gilly cry. She put her hands on Gillian's knees and peered into her face. No reaction. Well, there was one more thing to try. So Mariposa sat next to the weeping woman, slid her arm around her waist and began to sing "Jolly Mon".

They were still sitting there when Colonel Vega walked through the door. Mariposa smiled at her father and placed a finger over her lips. When Vega walked around to the couch, he noticed a small pile of used tissues, his wide-eyed daughter holding Gillian's hand and a sleeping woman with puffy eyes.

James knelt in front of his girls. "Hey, sleeping beauty."

"I don't know what's wrong, Skipper. I made her some tea and she got mad and then she just started crying. I sang "Jolly Mon" to her and then she fell asleep."

Gillian slowly opened her eyes, gasped and jumped to her feet. Fortunately, James caught and steadied her. "Chica, what's wrong?"

"Oh, no! I'm a mess. I planned a dinner and I'm just a mess!" The tears started again.

Father and daughter exchanged identical looks. James handed her a tissue.

"I had things planned out. I don't know what you'll think. So I thought I would make you're favorite and... and..." The wind went out of her and she sagged against James.

"There is nothing you can't tell me straight out. Look at me, Gillian. I love you. I love our home. I love our little family."

"This is just all wrong. I'm sorry, but... but...What if that were to change?"

The tears. The fear in her eyes. Her inability to explain what's wrong. A hard cold hand grabbed his heart and turned his blood to ice. Vega squeezed his daughter's hand when he felt her small fingers grip his. For a moment, James experienced a flash memory of pulling on his armor. He hadn't worn armor in a long time. James put his arm around Mariposa and pulled her against his side.

After several moments of silence, James finally found his voice and in a tone usually reserved for suspects, perps and new recruits he managed, "Tell me and tell me right now."

"I'm pregnant."

~0~

Five towns and twenty pubs. Or was it twenty-five towns and...? This pub held the distinction of being the tiniest pub in the smallest town they'd yet searched. Under low ceilings and ancient sagging timbers. A pregnant wife and daughter standing behind him, James showed the picture to the bar keep.

"That old tosspot? Who's looking for him, mate?"

With the frustration of someone who'd experienced this very same conversation and negative outcome just a few to many times, James grabbed him by the shirt and jerked him across the bar, That's Admiral fucking Anderson to you, mate."

"Yes sir. He's over by the windows. Probably looking for a game of draughts."

"Thank you." James tossed some money on the bar. "Have a pint for your trouble. Have three for me."

By the windows, with the morning sun shining across his silver hair, a man with bent shoulders was setting up a red and blacked checked game board. James sat down across from him. "I've got time for a game, sir."

"Sir? I'm not a 'sir' anymore."

James placed his hand on the man's slender forearm. "Admiral Anderson? It's me, James Vega. Do you remember me? I was part of Shep..."

He snorted in disgust. "Of course, I remember you. I'm not senile and I'm not drunk. Not during the day, anyway. Look, I'm not interested in sharing old memories. A game of draughts or darts I can do. A pint? Definitely. Now, what do you want?"

"I have someone here I want you to meet, sir."

"Stop calling me sir."

"No, sir."

Finally he turned away from the board and noticed the young girl standing next to Vega.

"It's an honor to meet you, grandfather."

"What? Who the hell are you? What's your name?"

"My whole name is Mariposa Angelina Vega Shepard."

Anderson looked up at Vega who nodded.

"Please don't cry! Why do I make everyone cry? I didn't mean to, sir." Mariposa climbed up in his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck.

The admiral dragged a sleeve across his face. "How is it possible you are here Mariposa? Your mothers eye's. Oh, god...You're looking at me with your mothers eye's. How is this possible?"

Well, sir. Mister Z once said it was FM. But I don't know what that means. But I'm pretty sure it was the regular way.

Then Paul Anderson's face did something he hadn't felt in many years. The grin that creased was so strange it actually startled him. When he looked up at James to share the moment, he noticed a young woman standing behind him.

"Gillian?"

"Hello, Father. It's good to see you."

"We're a family now, grandfather and we need you to come home with us. Because pretty soon you'll have two grandchildren - It will be a boy and I don't know anything about little brothers so maybe you could help me out with that - and I know how to play draughts and chess and maybe you can teach me about darts? I learned about Origami, so I can teach you that - it's fun. We have a lot to do, so you'd better come with us now."

"And a good bit of her mother's personality, I see." Anderson chuckled.

"Si, Admiral. That she does, as you will learn."

With his daughter in his arms, James followed Gillian and her father out of the pub. "How's your birthday going so far, little butterfly?"

Well, it's going just fine. I got a mommy and a grandfather and a little brother. I think we're doing pretty well for ourselves, don't you think so, Skipper?"

"Love you, Mari."

"Love you, more. I wonder what I'll get for my seventh birthday?"

~0~

It was a warm Spring day in London when the four of them visited Shepard's graveside. The daffodils were out in full force. Waving yellow and white petals under the bright blue sky.

Heavy with her baby in the eight month of pregnancy Gillian sat with her father on the bench next to Commander Shepard's grave. She reached out a hand and placed it on the cool marble. "Commander Shepard, I want to thank you for these two wonderful people who came into my life. I promise to take good care of them and that we will take care of each other always."

She'd been listening to Gillian, then suddenly Mariposa jerked in her father's arms. James looked at her with concern. He hadn't really expected her to get upset. But this was the first time she'd been to her mother's grave.

"Someone just kissed me, Daddy! Just like the dream. Only I'm not asleep."

A familiar scent enveloped him. It seemed to be coming on the breeze. But he knew it. James would remember her scent and the sensation of her hands on him and the taste of her kiss as long as he lived. Then lips touched his cheek.

"Me too Mariposa."

James glanced up at a faint movement. It seemed to just be part of the wind blowing up a few leaves and flower petals.

"Mariposa?"

"Skipper?"

Before them, whole and beautiful, stood his Lola. She smiled and blew them a kiss. "I love you both." Then she replaced her helmet, shouldered her weapon and disappeared into the spring day.

"She's okay, now Daddy and we're okay now, too."

* * *

draughts, aka checkers

FM. Not sure if this slang is universal. It stands for Fucking Magic. For something you have no actual explanation for or don't quiet believe.


	20. Epilogue

* * *

_Can you hear and do you care and_  
 _Can't you see we must be free to_  
 _Teach your children what you believe in._  
 _Make a world that we can live in  
_

* * *

**Twenty-Four Years Later**

The thirty-year old, commander-selectee, returned the guard's salute and stepped aboard the newly commissioned frigate. Although she noted how his eyes widened at her approach. She was aware of the effect her looks had on people. Her vivid green eyes and black hair created a striking contrast with her fair skin. Most of the time she simply ignored it.

She'd spent her twenties learning, studying and training. Which left little time for personal relationships. The young woman graduated third in her class from the Alliance Naval Academy, held a Master's Degree in Astrophysics, her new N7 pin sat proudly on the lapel of her uniform jacket. Pursuing superficial personal relationships seemed trivial in her quest to live up to the to the heritage of her parents.

Once inside, she inhaled deeply. She was here, really here.

The CIC was quiet, as she hoped it would. At this time of day the technicians and engineers should be gone for the day. Walking directly to the ship's name plate she ran her fingers over the raised brass letters:

  
_SSR-3 Normandy. Dedicated to the Memory of Those Who Gave Their Lives and Sacrificed so Much  
to Save Earth and the Galaxy From the Reaper Threat._  
 _Gone but Never Forgotten ~ Always in Our Hearts_.

The galaxy map, the bridge stations, the hatchway into the bridge. She'd visit each section of the ship, but for now she made her way to the first officer's quarters. They were still located to the left of the Main Battery and just to the left of the Mess. With the The MED Bay in its familiar place on the other side. She'd grown up on the Normandy and until she'd been five years old it was the only home she ever known. She'd been many places and done many things, but the Normandy had always been her home. And now, she was back and this was real and she earned her place as the Normandy's first officer.

Sitting on her bed, she unpacked the small bag she'd brought with her. One by one she placed her photographs on the shelf above the bed. First, there was her father and stepmother, Gillian. Her father, with his full head of salt and pepper hair, was as handsome as ever.

He'd been so proud when she'd shown him her orders to the Normandy. They'd held each other for a long time, both of them tearing up at the memories. Tomorrow, he'd be here for the launching ceremony, along with Gillian and their two sons and their families.

Next, she carefully unwrapped her two favorite photographs of Garrus. Garrus Vakarian: Her best friend, partner in crime, mentor and confidant. The first picture was the two of them together at her Naval Academy graduation. The second was of the two of them when she was small enough to sit comfortably on his shoulders inside the cowl of his armor. The memory made her laugh aloud. He'd been so patient with her as she insisted on holding on to his fringe as he let her ride around on his shoulders. She missed him. She would always miss him. He'd died of heart failure the year she'd turned twenty-five. He'd passed into his Spirit world with she and her father by his side.

When she'd watched those blue eyes close for the final time she'd seen a glimpse into what her father must have gone through when her mother died. In spite of trying to be brave she'd backed away from the bed and screamed. Her father had been by her side instantly and while he held her she gradually became aware that he was crying too.

At that moment, something changed in her. She grew up. Her father, who had been there for her always, needed her. She'd stretched her arms around him and held him close. Together they'd cried out their grief for the great soul who they'd been honored to call friend. They'd made it through by remembering the good times. And, there were so many good times. So many good memories and so much love.

Her picture of Joker came out next. It was good to see Joker smiling. Just before she'd snapped the picture, he'd pulled EDI down on his lap.

He was very ill now that he was in middle-aged and could hardly move around. He knew his time was short and he wouldn't live much longer. She was at peace with it and so was he. Joker and EDI lived in Vancouver, so she'd visited them as often as her studies allowed. She'd called him JokerJeff when she was little and he'd been her first crush.

The picture of her mother wearing her N7 hoodie was unwrapped next and placed on the shelf. She ran her fingers over the image, "I'm back, Mommy. I didn't forget my promise."

Later, she headed down to engineering. As she rounded the corner into the Main Battery voices drew her to the lower level of the gun box. Stepping quietly down the narrow stairs she saw a turian and a human male. The turian wore the blue tattoo of the Vakarian clan and the human male was tall with dark hair and broad shoulders. They both turned at the sound of her footsteps.

The human held out his hand to her, "You must be Commander Shepard, my new XO. I do apologize for not meeting with you sooner. She slid her hand into his and was unprepared for the warmth and strength of his grip. She released it quickly. Too quickly and he noticed with a slight frown of confusion. And so had the turian. She'd become very adept at turian facial expression and she'd seen that he'd noticed as he looked from one human to the other.

"No apology required, Captain Marshall," the young woman replied seriously.

The captain noted her serious demeanor and how it contrasted with her exotic beauty. He'd reviewed her records and found her a fascinating contrast of intelligence and beauty. A natural leader, she'd proved herself in battle and in the strategy room. Combined with her varied life experiences and education made her a perfect fit for XO. Captain Marshall looked forward to getting to know her and knew it wouldn't be an easy task.

She greeted the turian in the way of his people with a respectful bow of her head toward him. They didn't touch foreheads, but kept a respectful distance in the way of two people who did not know each other well.

"Commander, this is Sagran Irin our chief engineer."

"With respect, you're name does not match your colony of origin."

"You are very observant. I am a distant relative of the Vakarians. Your friend Garrus was a great-uncle mine."

"Honorari in occursum tibi Sagran Irin." The commander replied in flawless turian. To the captain, she translated: An honor to meet you..."

"Commander Vega, have you been up to the bridge?"

"Not yet, sir. Just started my rounds and this is my first stop."

"Let's meet in an hour," checking his chrono, "and we'll talk more." Right now go ahead up to the bridge. There's someone up there you should meet."

"Aye sir," she replied reluctantly, thinking her place was here. Refuting his first order to her probably wasn't the best way to begin their working relationship so she complied.

As she walked to the bridge she reflected on what she knew about the Normandy's new captain. Orphaned at age five by the Battle for Earth, he'd grown up in an orphanage and later taken in by a family. From age ten to seventeen, when he enlisted, he'd traveled with that family on a cargo ship. She looked forward to developing a solid working relationship Captain Marshall.

The bridge appeared empty until a hand on her shoulder made her turn around. Smiling that beautiful smile of her's was EDI. Commander Vega understood two things immediately. One, she was glad to see a familiar face and two, for EDI to be here, Joker must be dead. Both reasons catapulted the young woman into EDI's embrace. Her military bearing dissolving into tears.

"EDI, it's so good to see you," she said wiping the tears from her cheeks with her hands.

"It is good to see you, Commander Vega. Joker passed away in his sleep one week ago today."

"And you were there with him?"

"Yes. I became aware of his slowing heart rate during the night. Then he woke up, turned to me and took my hand. He smiled and said, 'You were the best copilot ever, EDI. I love you.' Then all body functions ceased and I suddenly I was alone. Without him... Without Joker. I realized I did not want to be alone and the Alliance reinstated me.

"And here you are and I am so happy to see you, EDI."

"As I am glad to see you, Commander. I am honored to be the Normandy's pilot. Mariposa, Joker asked me to give you this as a gesture of good luck."

With trembling hands she reached out for Joker's old Alliance ball cap.

* * *

And so ends my therapy session. I hope you enjoyed reading the story as much as I enjoyed writing it. Mariposa made me cry several times and so did James. In my Mass Effect world (except for this story) everyone lives happily ever after. So up yours Bioware.

Who knows! Maybe I'll start writing cheerful stuff now. It could happen!

BTW, I wrote the adult Mariposa as wrapped a little tight. With all she'd have to put up with hearing about her mother, being compared to her famous parents, she might just have turned out a bit tense around the edges. An over-achiever and all that.

 

Teach Your Children

Crosby, Stills & Nash

  
_You who are on the road_  
 _Must have a code that you can live by_  
 _And so become yourself_  
 _Because the past is just a good bye._

  
_Teach your children well,_  
 _Their father's hell did slowly go by,_  
 _And feed them on your dreams_  
 _The one they picked, the one you'll know by._

  
_Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,_  
 _So just look at them and sigh and know they love you._

  
_And you, of tender years,_  
 _Can't know the fears that your elders grew by,_  
 _And so please help them with your youth,_  
 _They seek the truth before they can die._

  
_Can you hear and do you care and_  
 _Can't you see we must be free to_

  
_Teach your children what you believe in._  
 _Make a world that we can live in._

  
_Teach your parents well,_  
 _Their children's hell will slowly go by,_  
 _And feed them on your dreams_  
 _The one they picked, the one you'll know by._

_you tube: ztVaqZajq-I_

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q357cCcTYf8


End file.
